Bag lady: Can you spare some change?
Woman: No, I’m sorry.
Bag lady: Is that your boyfriend? Lose him.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Husband.
Bag lady: Can you spare some change?
Woman: No, I’m sorry.
Bag lady: Is that your boyfriend? Lose him.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Husband.
Woman on phone: This is completely unacceptable! You work for the United States Government, and this is completely unacceptable!
Crazy old man: Shut up, you stupid cow!
–Hudson & Charles
Fat woman: You’re a piece of shit, you know that? That’s what you are, a piece of shit. You are a bitch, and you know who else is a bitch? Your mother. And your grandmother is a bitch, and her mother was a bitch, and all those generations before that were bitches. You should go back to your country, where they’re not so stupid to give our money to people like you who spend it on fur coats. You think you have more money than me? Lady, I have more money than you could ever dream of having. And I’m young, I’m 25, and you’re old, you’re an old lady. Get a job.
Russian woman: Since I come here from Russia, I work every day for 17 years! You are terrible!
Fat woman: Oh right, right. I’ve seen you on Stillwell, paying with food stamps in your fur coat. You are a piece of shit, you bitch.
The train stops at 4th avenue. The fat woman leaves the train, cursing, and bangs loudly on the window from outside. A cop approaches her, and seeing him she holds the train doors open.
Fat woman: Officer! Officer! This Russian lady in this car here was yelling at me. That’s her, sitting right there, she was cursing at me.
Cop: Come with me, miss.
He drags the fat woman off. The entire car applauds.
–F train
Overheard by: Eric W
Crazy bag lady on the l train: It is the winter of our discontent!
Ghetto girl #1: I dunno what you talkin’ bout. It’s content up in this motherfuckin’ winter. Maybe your ass would be contenter if you got a job.
Ghetto girl #2: Girl, shut up. You ain’t got no job either.
–L Train
Overheard by: ForniKate
Crazy old hobo, holding up bags and drawing: Where's the moon? Where's the moon? If the earth is in Columbus Circle, then the moon would be on 64th and Central Park West! Come see my exhibition!
Hipster teen surrounded by giggling friends: Is your exhibition inside those bags?
Crazy old hobo: No, those are Michelle Obama's dresses. You want to be smart with me? Why don't you be smart and become an exhibitionist?
Hipster teen surrounded by giggling friends: Do you know what “exhibitionist” means?
Crazy old hobo: Of course! It's someone who goes to museums every day!
–1 Train
Bike messenger, at a trio of small dogs barking at him: What is it boy? There was an accident at the old saw mill? Timmy’s been hurt?
JAP walking dogs, angrily: Did I say you could talk to my fucking dogs? Get the fuck away from my dogs! [to dogs] I’m sorry, sweet babies. Did the crazy poor person scare you? My poor sweet babies.
–Lincoln Square
Overheard by: adrift midwestern hipster
Crazy man: Who wants a transfer?
Crazy woman, raising hand and turning around: I do!
Crazy man, spitting food: I like yo’ braids.
Crazy woman: Thanks. [Crazy man flashes his bling.] Hahaha!
Crazy man: Yeah, these cost 70 grand, but I got ’em for 39. [Crazy woman ignores him.] I strut when I walk — e’ryday.
–Bx33 bus
Overheard by: Nooners
Crazy guy: There is something wrong with Winthrop Street. Do not get off the train there! You ever notice how they never say ‘Winthrop Street’? They say Franklin, President, Sterling, then it’s Wooothup. Never trust anybody who can’t say clearly what they mean.
Disembodied train voice: This is President Street. The next stop will be Sterling Street.
Crazy guy: You see?! President! Sterling! You do not want to get off this train at Winthrop!
–2 train
Overheard by: Got off at President
Drunk hipster: Since when did the vagina become the font of all morality?
–110th & Amsterdam
Girl running in pajamas: Oh my god my vagina is so cold!
–50th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Matt
Girl proclaiming: I saw the vagina.
–NYU
Acting student: You have a vagina and he’s all into that. I have a penis and he’s not all into that. That’s why you have to do this for me.
–Archbold Theater
Overheard by: nice
Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Haha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Haha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Nondescript guy on cell phone: So, were the vaginas ok?
–55th St & 8th
Cop #1: Sir, you need to move along.
Insane hobo: I didn't touch anyone, goddammit! I didn't do nuthin! I don't touch!
Cop #2: Just get the hell outta here.
Cop #1: Please just move along.
Hobo: I didn't do nuthin, goddammit!
Cop #2 to cop #1: Can I pistol whip him?
–Atlantic Avenue Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Derek