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Only There There’s Nothing Else to Do

Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You girls… You girls are visiting the greatest city in the world.
Drunk tourist girls: [giggle.]Drunk guy with thick NY accent: You wanna know why? You wanna know why this is the greatest city in the world?
Drunk tourist girl #1: Why?
Drunk guy with thick NY accent: ‘Cause I can stand right here on the street and ask you to suck my balls.
Drunk girl #1: Um, you can ask us that anywhere.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah… We’re from Wisconsin and people there ask us that all the time.

–Thompson and Bleecker

Overheard by: I guess the Cheeseheads are more brazen than we thought

Then Why Does He Keep Helping You Win Grammies?

Girl, as she passes out cards: Jesus loves you!
Passerby: Actually, Jesus and I haven’t really gotten along since my people killed him. But thanks!

–43rd & Broadway

Neither Do Men— What’s Your Point?

Female office worker: None of those mermaids had nipples.
Male office worker: Well, that’s because fish don’t nurse!

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: The Green Cat

I Won’t Even Play It With Janeane Garofalo

Bum: Have a happy Wednesday!
Suit: You too, sir.
Bum: You son of a bitch! That’s it; I’m not playing. I’m not playing this game anymore.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Larry

What Do They Do With the Other One?

Chick: Yeh, they take one of your boobs and turn it into your penis.
Gay guy: That’s sooo weird.

–61st & Broadway

Overheard by: Wish I heard more of this one

I Didn’t Have the Heart to Correct Her When She Used It in the Garden

NYU smoker chick #1: You know, she doesn’t even do it at all.
NYU smoker chick #2: Like never? Wow, no wonder she’s so unhappy.
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, that’s what I said! I even bought her a vibrator, but she won’t use it!
NYU smoker chick #2: Really?
NYU smoker chick #1: Yeah, it was cute and everything. It looks like a flower. It was called the petal pleaser.

–NYU, University Place

Your Editors Suggest You Read Overheard in New York With a Friend

Hipster: Why are you playing Tetris when you have me to talk to?
Friend, still playing: Shhhh.
Hipster: [Closes friend’s phone.]Friend, looking up: Things like that break up friendships.

–Broadway & Lafayette

Overheard by: Jer

It’s the Best AA Meeting in Midtown

Alleged heterosexual Male #1: I ended up doing a body shot of tequila off of Peter…
Alleged heterosexual Male #2: That’s not the point.

–57th St

Let’s Just Say It Was Truly a “Wonder Emporium”

Dumb girl: Oh my god! I just can’t concentrate …I need a bag of chips in order to listen to you.
Bimbette: Except I just had sex in the movie theater.
Dumb girl: Really!? What did you watch?

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Este

What Happened with the Aerobics Instructor?

Guy #1: Hey, new laptop?
Guy #2: Yeah, mine died over the weekend so I picked it up. It’s pretty slick, and check this out: two headphone jacks.
Guy #1: Wow, that is pretty cool.
Guy #2: Yeah, now all I need is a girlfriend…

–NYU, Warren Weaver Hall

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