University official: I confer upon you the degree of Honorary Doctor of Science.
Female undergrad #1: I have no idea what any of that means, but I’m sure it’s important.
Female undergrad #2: Do you know what you’re saying? What you’re talking right now is waves. She invented that.
–NYU commencement, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Brian
Manhattan girl: Ugh. Things are so slow in Brooklyn!
Manhattan boy: The bank is faster in Manhattan, stores are faster, everything is so much faster.
Manhattan girl: Right, they couldn't afford to be this slow.
Manhattan boy: Well, it's cuz the population here is less educated.
–Walgreens, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Teen boy: I like touching fat people.
–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: CUMT
Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!
–25th & 8th
Overheard by: Beckerman
Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.
–34th & 5th
Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!
–35rd St & 5th Ave
Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."
–Theater, St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Mariah
Creepy hobo: Oh, you got some ice water, that looks good.
Preschool girl who has just pulled out water bottle: (gives him look)
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, put your water away!
Creepy hobo: She just wants some ice water.
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, do you know that man? Are you talking to him?
Preschool girl: No, he was talkin' to me!
Creepy hobo: We was just talkin' about ice water, nothin' wrong with that.
–N Train
Overheard by: Natalie
High school kid #1: Why are you in chemistry?
High school kid #2: So I can learn what is in medicine. It is much more important than physics.
High school kid #1: No, I know how piss is made in the body. That's all physics. I know how piss is made, because of physics. And you don't.
–E Train
Professor guy: What is “piecemeal legislation”?
Dude: Um…
Professor guy: Well, define the term “piecemeal”.
Dude: I’m not familiar with that word.
Professor guy: …Why don’t I just commit suicide right now?
–NYU, University & 8th
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Teacher: Who remembers Some Like It Hot?
Student: Isn’t that the one where in the end they’re all on a boat and it blows up?
–Cinema Studies class, NYU
Overheard by: Andrew Jacobs
Film professor: What kind of movie causes a bodily reaction?
Student:… Pornography?
Film professor: And what does pornography cause your body to produce?
Student, after long pause: Bodily… fluids?
Film professor: Otherwise known as… Cum!
–Columbia Universtiy
Eight-year-old girl drinking margarita: My daddy taught me in kindergarten, if any boys treat me like s-h-i-t, kick them in the dick!
[Five minutes later.]Eight-year-old girl: I’m gonna kill myself!
–Mexican Restaurant near Union Square
Girl: That’s funny, I thought you were a finance major.
Guy: I couldn’t stand it. It’s like… numbers and shit.
–6 train
