If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Ew, Jersey, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Race, Sports, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

He’ll Grow into Them

Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.

–NJ Transit train

Posted on May 30, 2015
Body Parts, Coworkers, Ew, Jersey, Family Ties, Hair, Kids, Men, Nipples, People, Places, Private Parts, Topics, Trains Not Subway, Women

Notice: This City No Longer Accepts the Good Wishes of Outsiders

Drunk Long Islander: Happy Fourth of July, New York City!
Old lady: It’s tomorrow, retard. Go back to Jersey.

–87th & 5th

Overheard by: Hunter North

Posted on May 9, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Drunks, Ew, Jersey, Holidays, Old People, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…

–6 Train

Overheard by: j

Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.

–NJ Transit

Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.

–Borders

Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.

–E Train

Overheard by: Nicole

College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!

–1 Train

Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?

–E 9th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peanut

Posted on April 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Ew, Jersey, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On the Subway, Orgasm, Pee, Pizza, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

SWM ISO Vampires in Tracksuits

Guy #1: Can we go to Italy Town?
Guy #2: You mean Little Italy?
Guy #1: Yeah. I’ve got someone I need to piss off before sunset.

–NJ Transit train

Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher

Posted on March 21, 2015
Anger Management, Ew, Jersey, Men

I Always Figured the Junior Senator’s Office

Guy #1: See that, that’s the New Jersey Transit.
Guy #2: Good God, that’s where they get in?
Guy #3: And everyone thought Sunnydale is where the Hellmouth is.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Joseph

Posted on December 6, 2014
B & T, Ew, Jersey, Hell, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway

No Matter Where You Are in New York, Jersey Is Too Close

Teen hipster #1: So where is he?
Teen hipster #2: All the way in Herald Square. I’m not going all the way there.
Teen hipster #1: Where is Herald Square?
Teen hipster #2: In New Jersey.

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jersey has everything

Posted on November 29, 2014
Ew, Jersey, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Teens, Travel

It's the Meg Ryan Of Express Trains

Announcement: How does it look in the front, Al?
Random passenger, yelling: Like shit.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: MD

Posted on November 11, 2014
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Ew, Jersey, Passengers, Train Station

New York’s Distinctiveness

Woman waiting on line in Newark airport: “Isn’t it amazing how, whenever you go to a foreign country, you can get such a feel for the country just from the airport? Take New York: you land here, you look out the windows, and the first thing you realize about New York is, ‘aren’t the vehicles here so big!'”

Posted on October 27, 2014
Airports, Ew, Jersey, Travel, Women

Now I Have Twenty Cats, but Nothing's Changed

Lonely cat lady: Remember a few years back when I had ten cats? I knitted ten of these adorable little stockings for them, and I filled each one with catnip. Well, I never did that again!
Passenger: Why? Did they all freak out over the catnip?
Lonely cat lady: No, they didn't even appreciate all the work that went into it. They just ignored them.

–Midtown NJ Tranist

Posted on August 21, 2014
Clothing, Ew, Jersey, Gay Man's Best Friend, Passengers, Questions, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Women

Ew, Jersey