Breakfast lady: So it's like me and her have the same health history.
Breakfast parents: Oh, yeah?
Breakfast lady: Yeah, I had just come home from the doctor and I called her, and I was telling her what happened and she goes “oh my god! I have to pass stones, too!” Her doctor said it may be hereditary, though.
–Marriott, Times Square
Young daughter, pointing: That trash can is stinky!
Haggard father: Yes, it's a very stinky trash can.
–87th St & West End
Overheard by: Special K
Big mama: It ain’t even his fault. His mama didn’t teach him nothin’.
Son: Mmm-hm.
Big mama: Wait ’til the IRS comes for you!
Son: Chill!
Big mama: You know they comin’!
–Q76 bus
Overheard by: queens is underappreciated
Granddaughter: I spy… Grandma… You have to listen…I spy with my little eye, something that helps adults.
Mother: Chocolate.
Grandmother: Alcohol.
Granddaughter: No! Bank of America!
Mother: That helps adults?
–7th & Broadway
Headline by: Botticus
Runners-Up:
· “…In THIS Economy?!” – Pablo & Pablo
· “I Slept Wth a Teller Once” – Yoli
· “If by Help, You Mean Fuck and by Adults, You Mean Shareholders…Then, Well Played” – cmm
· “Sure, That’s the Third Person They Helped Off the Floor & Gave a Tissue Too” – tatts
· “Well, Maybe Not Where YOU Go, but I Get Mani-Pedis Everytime I Go There” – Anthony
Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.
Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence]
Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!
Female twins flee train.
–F train
Daughter: I'm huuuungry.
Mother: Okay, but no cup…
Daughter, interrupting: Cuuuuupcaaaaakes!
–85th St, Gym
Overheard by: Amused Front Desk
Small boy to grandfather schlepping packages: That's not the problem…you are!
Grandfather: I'm the problem?
Small boy, wailing: Yes!
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Suze V
Suit on cell: It's not that I don't like people, I just think that they're expendable.
–Union Square Cafe
20-something to visiting family: We are about to go up a bunch of stairs. If you complain, you will be pushed back down them.
–Mulberry & Canal
Laughing suit to others: So, yeah, I just stepped over the body.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Mother to small crying child: Honey, I did listen to you, but I can't make myself care.
–V Train
Overheard by: Hunter
Young woman on the subway to her friend: “It WAS incest! Can you imagine if your brother slept with your mother? UGH!!!”
Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin.
–Park Slope bodega, 5AM
