Wednesday Will Punch You Right in the One-Liners

Man: I got beat up a lot in high school. It made me a better person.

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Incredibly Amused

Little boy: You best lay the smackdown on that hoe!

–Times Square

Student: I don't get why everyone is making such a big deal about Chris Brown hitting Rihanna, it's not like he's the first man to ever hit a girl. Get over it, world!

–Manhattan College, Riverdale, The Bronx

Overheard by: Stephen

Girl on cell outside beauty salon: If I didn't have things to do tonight, I would totally just slap the crap out of that girl. Seriously.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: maybe tomorrow, then?

Woman on cell: I went through this with my daughter this morning. (pause) Yeah, okay, you can hit me, but you can't hit anybody else.

–Cookshop Restaurant

Posted on January 6, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Education, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Men, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Threats, Times Square, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Every One-Liner Has His Wednesday

Girl to friend: If it weren't for my sister's dog, I wouldn't have to drink during the day.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Kevin

Gay dude to another: It's so amazing how dogs get all up in there. Like, what if people had to introduce themselves that way? How great would it be if when I met you I had to sniff your ass?

–17th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: BT

Girl on cell: So wait, did Dr Siegel really charge you 150 dollars to chop a pimple off the dog's booty?

–Hart & Irving, Brooklyn

Girl to guy: Ever spend a lot of time with a Shih Tzu?

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Female voice outside my window: And I'm keeping the dog leg–I don't even care what you have to say!

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Even C.S. Lewis Has Trouble Explaining It, Honey

Mother: I'm very angry with you.
Daughter in stroller: You don't love me!
Mother: No, I can love you, but still be angry with you.
Daughter in stroller: That does not make sense.

–18th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Not gay in chelsea

Posted on January 5, 2010
Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Family Ties, Kids, Love, Moms, Parents

Dear Readers: Ask Yourself Why You Care.

Guy reading Post over someone's shoulder: David Letterman cheated on his wife with that? Dear god, I thought he'd have better taste.
Women reading paper: That is his wife!

–5 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Posted on January 4, 2010
About Celebrities, Beauty, Family Ties, Gossip, Infidelity, News, On the Subway, Passengers, Physical appearance, Strangers

It'd Be Good to Feel Respectable Again

Girl to pregnant friend: You're only three months along? Man, you think it's twins?
Pregnant girl: I hope so. And hey, if it is twins, I'll finally have two kids by the same dad.

–Uptown E train

Posted on January 2, 2010
Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control

Tonight's Movie: She Got Blame

Little girl with large nose and pink jacket: Mommy, why is it cold out?
Mom with large nose wearing blue parka: Because your father is an asshole!

–F Train

Posted on December 27, 2009
Comebacks, Family Ties, Insults, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Weather

What About This Coin with the Chick and the Baby in the Sling?

Thug, handing coin to dealer: Yo, man, check this out. You ever see something like that? What's it worth?
Black salesman: This is an Eisenhower dollar, from the bicentennial. They're not really worth more than a dollar. You can spend it, or save it as a souvenir.
Thug: Damn, man, I went through a lot of trouble to get this. My grandmother left it to me when she died. You sure it ain't valuable?
Black salesman: I'm afraid not.
Thug: Somebody offered me $100 for this shit.
Black salesman: Then I recommend you go back to that person and sell it to him. It was a great offer.
Thug: Sheeeeeeit. (leaves)
Black salesman, muttering to himself: Stupid-ass nigga.

–Fulton Street Mall

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on December 20, 2009
Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Death, Family Ties, For Sale, Insults, Malls, Money & Class, Thugs

…But That's Your Son, Over There.

Father to son: Son, I love you, fuckface!
Son to father: I love you too.

–37th & 4th

Overheard by: Jonas Puer

Posted on December 10, 2009
Dads, Family Ties, Insults, Kids, Love, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Parents

Hey, That's Our Line.

Girl on cell: Okay, I've got to get naked for my cousin. Bye!
Random passerby: Say what?

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Posted on December 8, 2009
Family Ties, Girls, Incest, On Cell, Strangers

Go Back to Williamsburg, Wednesday One-Liners!

Hipster: Ugh, my mom keeps forgetting to deposit my unemployment check.

–Williamsburg

Shouting hipster: I tripped over a Mexican!

–Spring St

Overheard by: Brigdh

Hipster girl to guy she is sitting with at the bar: I should have let you cum on my bedspread.

–5th Ave & Bergen, Brooklyn

Dozing hipster, muttering in his sleep: That's what she said.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Upset hipster chick to friends: So now that my brother's going to college,they're not going to pay my rent anymore. I told my mom, "I'm twenty-five, I pay all my other bills on time, I haven't done anything wrong!"

–Union Pool, Williamsburg

Posted on December 2, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Cum, Dreams, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Family Ties

Even C.S. Lewis Has Trouble Explaining It, Honey