Gay guy #1: So how was the party last night?
Gay guy #2: Oh, it wasn't too bad, but there were a bit too many tacos and not enough sausages, if you know what I mean.
–Fordham University
Gay guy #1: So how was the party last night?
Gay guy #2: Oh, it wasn't too bad, but there were a bit too many tacos and not enough sausages, if you know what I mean.
–Fordham University
Woman at ATM: Well, she could use a little piece of chocolate in a uniform.
Friend: Who couldn't?
–45th & Lex
Drunk guy to foreign friend: So basically everyone in the US is either Irish, Italian, or German…but there are a lot of Puerto Ricans in my neighborhood.
–L Train
Overheard by: bildita
Rockabilly-styled hipster on cell: Just take your cheap Jewish ass back to Korea Town!
–St. Mark's Place
Tourist: There are so many Chinese in this city and they all speak fucking Spanish! It blows my mind!
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl on cell: So I may be a Siamese twin…
–57th & 10th
Overheard by: evil em
Woman exiting a Subway restaurant: I feel like I just ate a Mexican immigrant.
–56th & 10th Ave
Overheard by: A Mexican
Man: Who was that chef who said “Butter, butter, bring me more butter.”?
Woman: Umm, I think you just made that up.
Man: No, he said it. And he meant it, and he was right! (butters roll)
–Brazil Grill, 8th Ave & 48th
Hobo: I need change. I need me some change. Gonna get a steak sandwich.
Angry woman: Fuck that. Fuck you! I'm a social worker and I know you're nothing but a worthless son of a bitch! I know you gonna buy you some crack!
Hobo: Somebody better fire that bitch!
–Brooklyn
Father: …and a sugar cookie.
Barista: Which color?
Father (to son): Which color do you want? (to barista) Purple.
Seven-year-old son: No, pink!
Father: Okay.
Seven-year-old son: But that doesn't mean I'm gay.
–Starbucks, 23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Brunette: She was in a wheelchair.
Blonde: She was a bitch on wheels!
Brunette: Yeah, she'd come wheeling out and I was like: “Dammit, Conchita!” …but she could cook.
–Café Mare Gelateria
20-something girl #1: I’ve been so sick today.
20-something girl #2: Oh no! Why?
20-something girl #1: Must have been those two squash and spaghetti sandwiches I ate yesterday.
20-something girl #2: Oh, right!
(momentary pause)
20-something girl #1: So, have you ever been pregnant?
–Ladies Room, Vento Trattoria
Headline by: Alex
Runners-Up:
· “It’s The Perfect Way to Justify My Incredibly Bizarre Eating Habits” – Caitlin
· “It’s Usually the After Dinner Drinks That Get Me Pregnant.” – Bud
· “No, But Sometimes I Pretend to Be So People Don’t Mock My Food Choices” – o k
· “So Began the Story Of the Immaculate Conception Of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” – Jared
· “The Day Peggy Learned Squash-and-Spaghetti-Sandwich Contraception Is a Myth” – Steve
· “The Shift in Topic Was So Jarring, Tina Had to Be Hospitalized.” – Sam
· “They Don’t Call Me “Subtle Stacy” for Nothing” – fresca
Guy giving out Kellogg's Special K chocolate bars: Free cereal bars! Free cereal bars!
Hobo (to Kellogg's guy): Hey, why isn't anyone giving me any money? They all be paying attention to you!
Kellogg's guy: Because I'm giving out free candy. You're giving out lies.
–Outside Penn Station
Girl eating chocolate cake to woman in next cubicle: Oh my god, this is so good–I think even you would eat this cake.
Woman in next cubicle: I don't eat nothing coming off of Long Island.
–Random NYU Administration Office
Overheard by: Betty Noir
