Old man on pay phone: If I see another nigger on this street, I’m gonna rip his dick off and eat it!
–Chambers & Church
Overheard by: Ziggy
Old man on pay phone: If I see another nigger on this street, I’m gonna rip his dick off and eat it!
–Chambers & Church
Overheard by: Ziggy
Guy #1: I told you I wanted a pineapple.
Guy #2: It’s November.
Guy #1: And?
Hobo: Pineapple and coconuts are made from computers. And you can tell!
–77th & 1st
Overheard by: Big Z
Woman: He wants the pad tai with chicken, no vegetables.
Man: I can’t have vegetables. My vegetarian wife just left me.
–Tai Hong Lau, Mott Street
Overheard by: Amie
Woman #1: I think I’ll get the spinach ravioli that you got last time.
Woman #2: Really? I did? Did I like it?
–Chelsea Gallery, 7th Avenue
Overheard by: Jenyc
Little boy: I ate a nail once.
Mom: I remember that. I think it came out in your diaper.
–41st & 9th
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Lady #1: Can you please choose a direction and stick to it? You almost made me tumble down the stairs!
Lady #2: What? I know you are not talking to me!
Lady #1: Yes, I am talking to you, you keep changing your direction left, right, back, and forth! You walk right in front of me as I am walking down the stairs and almost tripped me down the stairs!
Lady #2: Well, if you were not right up my ass, you would not have had a problem!
Lady #1: How can I avoid being up your ass? Have you seen how much room your ass takes up?–
Man: Ha!
Lady #1: –It’s like a wide load truck swerving across the highway with no warning to fellow drivers! It’s huge!
Lady #2: Nasty ass bitch!
Lady #1: I am sure you would know.
–103rd Street 1 station
Counter guy: Who is next on line for a sandwich?…Anybody?…Does anybody want a sandwich?…Okay, who wants a salad?…Anybody waiting on line for a salad?….Anybody want anything?…You, what would you like?
JAP: Excuse me, I was next!
–EEE’s, East 34th Street
Overheard by: SK
Queer: No, thanks.
Flyers woman: You’re a faggot.
Queer: Fuck you, you fucking piece of trash skank bitch. Why don’t you wipe off your clown makeup, get some acutane, and find a real job? Fucking bitch.
–110th & Broadway
Girl #1: Where’s Broadway?
Girl #2: Well, Broadway runs like the entire city from North to South.
Girl #1: But where’s the part that has the famous stuff, like Cats?
Girl #2: Oh, I have no idea.
–Fulton & Nassau
Overheard by: Velzzy
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
Suit on cell: Yo Chucky, what’re you doing for the holiday?…You’re
frying it?…Like, deep frying? Yes, that’s weird…I think it’ll taste funny…I hope you remember to pluck all the feathers.
–Madison Square Park
Man: Can I see the takeout menu, please?
Counter guy: Do you want to stay?
–George’s Lunch, Greenwich Street
Girl: Have some! Please!
Guy: Uh, no. I hate bananas.
Girl: Come on! This shit is bananas! B-a-n-a-n-a-s!
Guy: B-a-n-a-no.
–Chat ‘n’ Chew, East 16th Street
