Homeless guy: I got candy, I got gum. I do this 'cause everybody got to eat. I'm trying to do the right thing. I sell candy, I sell gum. I don't sell drugs.
Blonde girl: Do you have drugs?
–Times Square
Homeless guy: I got candy, I got gum. I do this 'cause everybody got to eat. I'm trying to do the right thing. I sell candy, I sell gum. I don't sell drugs.
Blonde girl: Do you have drugs?
–Times Square
Four-year-old: Mooooom! I want deseeeeeert!
Yuppie mom: No, sweetie, you didn't finish your sandwich.
Four-year-old: You have no soul!
–Whole Foods, TriBeCa
Overheard by: Has Cookies
Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing.
–Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Deeds
Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers?
–Outside New York Stock Exchange
Overheard by: Kyle
50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast.
–34th & 7th
Girl: Can you press 8, please?
The guy does so. The doors open to let him off on the 3rd floor, and the scent of hannukah latkes fills the elevator.
Girl: Smells like Judaism here.
–Elevator, Columbus between 95th & 96th
Overheard by: Jayson Littman
Old Man: They have salads here. Next time we should just come early and eat here.
Old Lady: Okay, we could try that next time.
Old Man: They have Caesar salads, and cobb salads, and pasta salads–
Old Lady: That sounds good. We’ll try it next time.
Old Man: –they have California salads, and tuna salads, and–
Old Lady: Okay, Harvey! We’ll eat here next time!
Old Man: …they have sandwiches, too.
–Avery Fischer Hall
Overheard by: Heather
Guy #1: Did you know that I never liked broccoli until I went to jail?
Guy #2: Is it your favorite meal?
Guy #1: Of course!
–Porto-bello, Thompson Street
Mom #1, noting a pigeon: Cute bird!
Boy: Hm. Birds.
Mom #2: We, for instance, eat birds. What kind of birds do we eat?
Boy: Quail!
–5th Ave, Park Slope
Coworker #1: Hey, Times Square just got evacuated because of a bomb threat.
Coworker #2: Damn, I guess I have to head east for lunch.
–42nd St & Madison Ave
Old lady #1: So I think maybe that’s the problem with New Yorkers.
Old lady #2: No decaf?
Old lady #1: Yep, no decaf. That’s the problem.
–Starbucks, 102nd & Broadway
Girl #1: What happened to you?
Girl #2: Some fucking tourist walked into me and spilled her Hot Pocket on me…where the fuck did a tourist get a Hot Pocket?
–6 train
