Actor: So that's how I screwed up my callback for Jersey Boys–I was on OxyContin.
Friend: Oh my god, that's like legal heroin!
Actor: I know, so I was all fucked up, but I didn't want to say anything. They probably wrote down “reads well, but sings with a very strange accent.”
–A Train
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Gay guy #1: So how was the party last night?
Gay guy #2: Oh, it wasn't too bad, but there were a bit too many tacos and not enough sausages, if you know what I mean.
–Fordham University
Woman at ATM: Well, she could use a little piece of chocolate in a uniform.
Friend: Who couldn't?
–45th & Lex
Overexcited white male: She just pulls my bathing suit down and starts…and then she lifts up my legs and starts licking my asshole!
Fascinated white male (laughing): Whaaaat?! …so, what did it feel like?
Overexcited white male: Dude, I'm not gonna' lie, it felt kind of good. Like a tickling, tingling sensation.
–C Train
Overheard by: tom o
Drunk guy to foreign friend: So basically everyone in the US is either Irish, Italian, or German…but there are a lot of Puerto Ricans in my neighborhood.
–L Train
Overheard by: bildita
Rockabilly-styled hipster on cell: Just take your cheap Jewish ass back to Korea Town!
–St. Mark's Place
Tourist: There are so many Chinese in this city and they all speak fucking Spanish! It blows my mind!
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl on cell: So I may be a Siamese twin…
–57th & 10th
Overheard by: evil em
Woman exiting a Subway restaurant: I feel like I just ate a Mexican immigrant.
–56th & 10th Ave
Overheard by: A Mexican
Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.
–Manhattan
Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.
–Stern Building, NYU
Overheard by: Emily
Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!
–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: MR
Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!
–Vesey St & Church St
20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.
–Penn Station
NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.
–Brooklyn Bound Q Train
Overheard by: office peon
Guy with friend (hurriedly): Are you guys shutting down anytime soon?
Free haggis cart guy: No, no, we'll still be here.
Guy with friend: Good, 'cause we got a buddy comin' over from work.
Free haggis cart guy (with some enthusiasm): Is your friend Scottish or something?
Guy with friend: No, he's depressed. But we figured some haggis would cheer him up.
Free haggis cart guy: Oh.
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: fat bastard
Old lady #1: Yes, but you have to admit, you did get a little crazy there.
Old lady #2: Hm, maybe.
Old lady #1: You have to admit, we are both just a little bit crazy.
Old lady #2: I don't want to talk about this anymore.
–W 10th St
Overheard by: Maybe we all are
20-something Long Island girl: Oh god! This breakup has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I honestly don't even care that he dumped me.
Friend: Yeah, totally.
20-something Long Island girl: Seriously, he needs to realize if it wasn't for that sweater he was wearing, and the fact that I was on ecstasy that night, we would have never dated for this long.
Friend: Yeah! It was J.Crew… And they were double stacked…you were powerless.
–Lokal Bar, Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Aaron
Teen girl #1: So yeah, like…Paris Hilton totally got kicked out of our school for doing coke too!
Teen girl #2: Paris Hilton went to our school?!
Teen girl #1: Bitch, this isn't about Paris… All I can say is: How cool is it that I got kicked out of the same school as Paris Hilton did, for the same reason?
Teen girl #2: Wait, you got kicked out?
Teen girl #1: Why the fuck do you think I'm not in class anymore?
Teen girl #2: Everyone thought you were pregnant again.
–Park Bench, 89 & CPW
