Friends

College girl to her boyfriend: Yeah, but you always make sexual advances on my roommates.

–Lincoln Center

Serious student: Yeah, well, I really don't want to talk about my roommate's penis anymore.

–LaGuardia & Washington Square South

Chick to friend: It's not about the toilet paper, his roommate only used baby wipes.

–Spring St & Mott St

Overheard by: Nick Caylor

NYU kid on cell: I'm still hoping to live in housing next year unless my roommates find out that I got arrested.

–Mercer & Waverly

Young suit into cell: You pissed on my toothbrush!? What the fuck? Fine, I'll get you a new pouffe… Fuck you! Pink or purple? Just get me a new toothbrush! You know what kind! Always, right? The blue ones or the yellow ones? Well, did you get your period or no? Okay… Okay… fine… fine… fine! Look, I'll be home around seven, okay? (yelling) I don't care who you're fucking, it's your turn to cook! Right, fine, talk later, okay? (hangs up, to very attractive female companion) She's really just my roommate…

–82nd & Lexington

Guy #1: Yeah, I saw this chick that was almost hot.
Guy #2: Almost?
Guy #1: Yeah… all her curves were going the wrong way.

–E Train

20-something chick: So one of the side effects of my anti-depressive medication is a complete lack of sexual desire.
20-something dude: Oh well, mine don't do that!
20-something chick: Uh… okay?
20-something dude: … just saying.
20-something chick: They also make it harder for men to ejaculate. Not that I would know.
20-something dude: Yes you would, don't lie to me.
20-something chick, hanging head: …I know.

–114th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Chick #1 in stall: So Jessica*…
(loud hand-drier turns on for a few seconds, then off)
Chick #2, in adjacent stall: Yeah?
(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1: So did I tell you about…
(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1: So then I sucked his co…
(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1: And long story short, I'm pregnant!
(loud hand-drier turns on again)

–Bathroom Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria

Overheard by: SillyUrn

Young teen: Holy crap! So what happened then?
Young teen #2: I didn't want her mom to find it, so I just stuck it in my mouth.

–Outside Magnolia Bakery, West Village

Overheard by: AwkwardTwig

Excited woman #1: Oh my god, how's your brother?
Excited woman #2: He's doing great, he just gave birth!
Excited woman #1: (shrieking) congratulations!

–29th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: voidoid

Married girl: Which means I can't have kids for another seven years!
Single guy: I didn't even know you guys were already planning on having kids.
Married guy: I didn't know either.

–Washinton Square

Scruffy guy: I never understood that.
Taller friend: What? The dogs?
Scruffy guy: No, the fisting.
Taller guy: Oh. Well, I'm sure it stretches. There are two of them.
Scruffy guy: True.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Suit: We have water leaking from the 24th floor down to the phone boxes.
Friend: That's good. That's what we want.

–47th & 3rd

Overheard by: EthanK

Crazy guy in camouflage: And I was like: “Fucking…what the fuck, man! Fuck it!”
Teen passerby (very seriously): I love that man.
Preppy friend: Oh my god, me too! (gives thumbs up)

–48th & 6th

Headline by: Golf Widow

Runners-Up:
· “Everyone Loves a Good Fuck” – melly
· “How Billy and Tommy Knew What Love Really Means” – Stellina
· “I Hear He’s Speaking at Graduation!” – fucking fan
· “Schizophrenia Is the New Black.” – Josh
· “Tourette’s Groupies” – TheSchilsk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest