An Epidemic Of Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged white guy to younger black woman: Just leave them a message that's like "I woke up from my coma, don't worry. Not that you were worried anyway."

–Nederlander Theater

Overheard by: julia

Girl to friend: Everything was fine until I found out about the warts.

–Broadway & Waverly

Man to friends: All I know is that I was leaving town the next day, so I told her to take some Pepto-Bismol or Robitussin or whatever because I was gettin' some that night for sure!

–Bodega, 22nd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Doug Tischler

Teenage black girl, within a group of friends: Them kids with autism, they be havin' mad skills!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: r. faith

Male yuppie: If she comes back with cold sores, I'll know who to go to.

–San Domenico Restaurant, East 26th St

Girl: Rabies is my biggest enemy.

–Bellerose, Queens

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Medicine, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Village, Theater, Threats, White People, Yuppies

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liners

MTA employee high-fiving another: That's why I always wear my uniform to court. I ain't no thug; I ain't no criminal; I work for the City of New York!

–127th & Lenox

Female suit to friend: Welcome to New York. Have a good day somewhere else.

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: Hey, I like New York.

Crazy bag lady to parents of babbling toddler: Shut your fucking kid up! If you want PC, this isn't the fucking place!

–AirTrain to Jamaica

Barista: I keep forgetting that "New York" doesn't equal "World."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

Girl on cell: A blood draw, a pelvic exam, and a shot in the ass all on the same day… Yeah, well, it is New York.

–Lafayette & Franklin

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Baristas, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Clothing, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, Washington Square Park, Women

Animal, Wednesday One-Liner, or Mineral?

Man trying on hat: Hey! Do I look like John Wayne in this hat? Watch out, pilgrim! I'm planting roses!

–Botanical Garden

Girl to friend: I need a twig or a leaf or an herb or somethin'.

–C Train

White guy on cell: It's the goddamn Cherry Blossom Festival… so get your ass out here.

–Outside Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Maintenance worker to another: Oh, come on! It's not working now. Let's try plugging it into the tree.

–42 St & 2nd Ave

Flower vendor: Shut up nigga, I'll slap you! Fresh roses!

–7th Ave & 26th

Overheard by: Todd

Posted on August 13, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Threats, Trees and plants, Vendors & Street Performers, White People

But That Expert on Oprah Swore It Would Help Me Gain Friends

Well-dressed woman to friend: And I just felt so self-conscious without my toenails.
Friend: Yeah…

–54th & Broadway

Posted on August 12, 2008
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Psychology, Women

That'd Be Like Going Back to a Life Without Gossip Girl

Annoying teenager #1 (disturbed about cellphones without qwerty keyboards): Yeah, I was using my friend's the other day and I had to press the buttons like three times.
Annoying teenager #2: Like, I can't live like that.

–N Train

Overheard by: Marie

Posted on August 12, 2008
Cell Phone, Default, Friends, Gripes, On the Subway, Stupidity, Teens

Obsessively. Why?

Girl #1: You wrinkle your nose when you sleep.
Girl #2: I do?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Wait, you watch me while I'm sleeping?

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Ariana

Posted on August 12, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Fears, Friends, Girls, Port Authority, Questions, Weirdness

The One Acid Trip That Got Hugh Hefner Where He Is in Life

College guy #1: So then I was like: “Whoa, that's a giant fucking bunny.”
College guy #2: Dude, are you high?
College guy #1: …yeah
College guy #2: Wanna go to the zoo?
College guy #1: Do they have bunnies?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Angel

Posted on August 12, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Frat Boys, Friends, Offers and requests, Questions, Straight Trippin', Washington Square Park

Like a Sacred Cow, I Graze Wherever I Go

Girl #1: What's D'Agostino's?
Girl #2: It's an Indian restaurant. I eat there all the time!

–10th St & University

Overheard by: Haley

Posted on August 11, 2008
Default, Ethnic Food, Friends, Girls, Names, Questions, Stupidity, The Village

Or the Key to the Lock-Box Containing It, Anyway

Chick #1: Let's have a baby together.
Chick #2: Let's do it. Which one of us is going to have it?
Chick #1: You are.
Chick #2: Why me?
Chick #1: Because I have the dick.

–Party, 6th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: hooked up with her the night before

Posted on August 11, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Offers and requests, Park Slope, Penis, Weirdness

“I Have Scabies” Works Equally Well

Creep (yelling out of window): Oh, sexy! Look at you in that red shirt! I love girls in colors!
Girl #1 (yelling and running): I'm married!
Girl #2: Shit, don't say that. You look like you're 12, no one will believe you're married.
Girl #1: Yeah, I should have said I was a lesbian.
Girl #2: He'll just think it's hot!
Girl #1: I did always think that was so weird about guys.
Girl #2: It's not just guys. A lot of girls think lesbians are hot, too.
Girl #1: Yeah, like, especially lesbians.

–6th Ave

Posted on August 11, 2008
Age/Aging, Colors, Compliments, Creepsters, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Lies, Manhattan, Marriage, Physical appearance, Sexuality