Guy #1: Look at that ass.
Guy #2: That is tight.
Guy #1: Man, I would have came eight times.
–W Train
Guy #1: Look at that ass.
Guy #2: That is tight.
Guy #1: Man, I would have came eight times.
–W Train
Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.
–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room
Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Kayla Monetta
Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."
–E 10th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: molina1230
Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.
–Brooklyn College
Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Not hungry either
Chick: Please turn gay and let me be your fag hag!
Dude: No…
Chick: But my potential as a fag hag is being completely wasted! I have such great potential, too! Think about it — I am neurotic…
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Hametuka
Chick #1: Man, I wish Colin would stop saying he loves me.
Chick #2: Why, you don’t love him?
Chick #1: I care about him, but I don’t love him. I only love one person.
Chick #2: Who? God?
Chick #1: No — me.
–Park Plaza Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Haley
Weird-looking teen: It's Turkish turnip time again!
Friend: Word.
–79th & 3rd
Overheard by: wallflowerblonde
Young black teen: Is that a North Face jacket you're wearing?
White guy: Yes, it is.
Other young black teen: Do you use it to go skiing?
White guy: Uh, yes.
Young black teen to friend: See! I told you white people use North Face jackets to go skiing!
–F Train
Guy #1: So I was talkin’ to him ’bout his sister–
Guy #2: Yo man, that chick is so fine.
Guy #1: Man, I know what you mean. But she naive, you know? She don’t know how fine she is.
Guy #2: Yeah. Naive.
Guy #1: But then she had the nerve to touch his boxes. What chick touches a guy’s boxes? She got an ugly soul.
–E train
Overheard by: Suzie
Teenage girl, running up to two friends from behind: Molly! And Kaya!
Molly or Kaya: Oh, Bren! Are you coming to Starbucks?
Bren: No, I have to go get that cancer vaccination! Right now!
–Prince & Spring
Guy: ‘Cause when a girl’s got way too many diaphragms…
Chick: Yeah.
Guy: That’s the sign that I missed.
–93rd & Broadway
