Wednesday One-Liners Are So Archaic and Bourgeoise

20-something woman to friend: Man, can I just tell you how absolutely bizarre coffee shop conversations are in this area?! I am never ever getting married if this is the sort of stuff married women talk about all day.

–Smith & Bergan

Overheard by: Mako Shark

30-something to older woman: I can’t get married yet! I haven’t experienced even… half of the women in the world yet!

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Carol

Tween boy getting into the face of another tween boy: (loudly) I’ll be your fucking wife!

–Morgan’s Market

Overheard by: Akiko

Little boy: We saw a peanut marrying a princess!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: blue

Girl to friends: I think my husband’s gonna divorce me now that gay marriage is legal.

–N10th & Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Non Hipster

Woman in a wedding dress and veil, on cell: Yeah, I got kicked out.

–Penn Station

Posted on March 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Fears, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Marriage, Penn Station, Restaurants & Cafes, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Williamsburg, Women

Judaism Often Happens Without Warning in New York

Concerned woman: I just worry that the Messiah will come and I won't be Jewish yet.
Friend: Mmm…
Concerned woman: I mean, I just really hope I'm Jewish by next Yom Kippur.
Friend: Yeah.

–F Train

Overheard by: dee

Posted on March 11, 2015
Friends, Judaism, On the Subway, Time, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

The Grade Comes Nine Months Later (“An F?”)

Guy: Wait, how’s that work, exactly?
Girl: Well, you have sex according to the woman’s menstrual cycle, you know, and you just don’t have sex when she’s ovulating.
Guy: Don’t you have to take a health class or something to do that?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on March 10, 2015
Friends, Menstruation, Pregnancy & Birth Control, School and studying, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Well, That Was the Theme of the Party

Guy: Julie, this is Jesse. Have you met?
Julie: Hi, Jesse.
Guy: You know…he fucked Alan?

–UWS party

Overheard by: Michael Kane

Posted on March 9, 2015
Friends, Parades & Festitivites, Sex & Relationships

Like That Awesome Hobo Who Urinated on Us Earlier!

Tourist: I read about this place in that New York book I got from the library.
Guy in line: Did it also tell you that when it's a full moon everything is half off?
Tourist to friend: Dude! We should just both get the large, then.
Friend: I love this town and its little quirks like this.

–Gray's Papaya

Posted on March 8, 2015
Books & Writing, Friends, Guys, Love, Only in New York, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Tourism, Tourists

Scott Baio Is 45…and a Wednesday One-Liner

Man to woman: You wouldn't procreate with Boomer Esiason, even though he's the king of Cincinnati?

–Deli, Canal & Hudson

Overheard by: Uncle Bling

Man on cell: Elvis made ten million dollars last year and he's dead. There's no reason I can't make a thousand.

–Park Slope

Hipster: I like Steve Buscemi a lot more than I like you.

–Life Cafe, Bushwick

Overheard by: D

Woman in Southern accent to man: Look, the McGraw-Hill building. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill must own that building!

–W 49th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Middle aged white man to friend: I finally figured it out. "Mystikal" sounds like a constipated Samuel L. Jackson.

–LIRR

Posted on March 8, 2015
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Death, Delis, Football, Friends, Hipsters, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Soho, Southerners, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As “Long-Term Borrowing”

Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.

–Metro-North Rail

Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: STC

Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.

–94th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: venniblue

Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?

–Broadway & 21st St

Posted on March 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Rich people, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Like When Newter Gingrich Rants About Gay Marriage

Man in hard hat: My dog Sparky is still in the hospital. The doctor wants to neuter him.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Really, that is too bad… Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat: No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Wow! Um… interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gigglerocks

Posted on March 5, 2015
Balls, Brooklyn, Cum, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Men, Money & Class, Weirdness, Women

The Don Draper Costume, for Instance.

Older musician in nice suit: It's Halloween! Hell, every day is a Halloween!
Friend: That explains a lot about you.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: stavka

Posted on March 5, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Friends, Musicians, Parks, Time, Washington Square Park

Friends