Gripes

When Jesus Met Mary Magdalene

Chick: I just don’t really like running through the Hasidic neighborhoods in my sports bra…
Guy: Uh-huh.
Chick: It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Guy: Yeah.
Chick: So I don’t think I’m going to do that anymore.

–Bogart & Moore St, Bushwick

Overheard by: Erin

Headline by: TWWS

Runners-Up:
· “But I’m Still Wearing My Swastika Thong.” – Craig should be working
· “Do I, Uh, Know You?” – clash
· “I Didn’t Hear Anything but ‘bra'” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “I’ll Try Yarmulke Pasties Instead” – Katie
· “Too Many Guys Trying to Challah at Me” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Topless It Is” – Sean McGurr

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

On the Other Hand, That Bottle Was Probably Made by Kids

Teen to hobo tossing empty bottle on the ground: Hey, don't leave that here! Kids play around here!
Hobo: I hate kids.
Random passerby: You can't beat that logic!

–Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners Lick Themselves with Noisy Enthusiasm

Man walking dog: Yo, take a shit right here.

–Houston & Mangin

Overheard by: How about a little to the left?

Woman to her gang-banging pug dog: Everyone can have love together!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: riana

Man to Yorkie, tugging at leash outside porn shop: You don’t want to go in there. Nothing you could use in there… Hmmm, except maybe the rubber goods.

–28th & 8th

Overheard by: Chuckell

Upset man to black lab walking sheepishly beside him: They didn’t want you in there because you’re black, and they should have the guts to say so! We should go back to that fucking place and burn it down! [Pats pooch on head.] Good girl. You’re a good girl. [They start walking away again, and man mutters to himself] Motherfuckers.

–W 4th St

…Since It's Already My “Status” on Facebook…

Student: Do you hate me, Mr Jones*?
Mr Jones*: I usually don't admit it, but in this case…

–Stuyvesant High School

Don’t Cry For Me, Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Hey, no crying on the train! No crying on the train!

–1 train

Man: I make people cry, and you tickle them.

–Wall St

Girl: You’re making me wanna shed mad tears!

–Lower East Side

Mom to young daughter: I think Daddy cries because he cares.

–JFK

Drunk guy: Jim? Jim! I don’t think we can be friends anymore… I cried after the Super Bowl.

–Waverly & Broadway

Woman on cell: I call her at work sometimes, and I’m like ‘Hi, Beth,’ but I can’t hear her because she’s sobbing.

–22nd & Park

Overheard by: Champ

Tween: I made a babysitter cry once. She was so immature.

–Brooklyn-bound R train

The Curse of the Drinking Class

Drunk girl: Fuck you. Get a job. ]Lightly pushes guy. No response.] I said, fuck you. Get a job! [Pushes him harder.]Guy: Stop pushing me.
Drunk girl: Fuck you. Get a job!
Guy: Stop pushing me.
Drunk girl: Fuck you! Get a job! [Pushes him down.]Guy: What the hell?! I have a job! I have a job!
Drunk girl: I don’t care! Get a job!

–St. Mark’s & 1st

Overheard by: Darien

Its Gravitational Pull Drives the Ladies Crazy

Pretty boy: You know, penis density is really an under-appreciated quality.
Fat friend: Yeah, I may have a one-and-a-half-inch dick, but it weighs 50 pounds!
Girlfriend to other chick: At least they aren’t talking about circle jerks anymore.

–35th & 9th

Overheard by: Brad

That’s the Biggest Wednesday One-Liner I’ve Ever Seen on a Man

Worker: … Just stick it in your pocket. I mean, seven inches isn’t bad.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: So I tried to set my password to "Penis".
Girl: […]Guy: It said my password wasn’t long enough.

–66th & Broadway

College kid to girlfriend: You make me feel sometimes like ten inches isn’t enough.

–12th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Strand Customer

Asian girl on cell: It’s six inches. [Laughs.] Wait… What’s six inches?

–CUNY Queensborough

Drunk guy pissing against wall, on cell: I got my dick out at 14th street! Yeah, it’s 14 inches!

–Union Square

Must’ve Been Some Christening Last Night

Young office peon: Stan*, I have a question, but first, how are you this morning?
Old office peon: Well, I had only four hours of sleep, I am still very drunk, and even though I showered, I still have stripper stank on me… So, what was your question?
Young office peon: Never mind.
Old office peon: Okay, cool.

–Queens

And She Only Gave Me a B on My Midterm

Prep school boy #1: So, does she still like you?
Prep school boy #2: Yes, and she’s ruining my hallway experience.

–G train

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

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