Young Urban Professional Wednesday One-Liners

Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.

–14th & 8th

Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!

–St. Mark's Place

Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…

–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill

Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!

–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave

Posted on November 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Height, Kids, Men, Money & Class, One-liners, Philosophy, Pictures, Psychology, Questions, Rack, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words, Yuppies

Eat This– It'll Be Hanukah in Your Mouth!

Little boy: When will it be Hanukkah?
Dad: Not for a while.
Little boy: But I'm begging you for Hanukkah.
Dad: You got some time until it's Hanukkah, buddy.
Little boy: Now you'll never get me a present!
Dad: (begins to leave with the little boy)
Little boy: I am not moving until it's Hanukkah!

–Bagel Shop, The Village

Overheard by: wilpon

Posted on August 21, 2015
Dads, Gifts, Grocery Stores, Judaism, Kids, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Time

Isn’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednesday One-Liners?

Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi?

–Chambers &and West Broadway

Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin.

–W 46th Ave

Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack!

–West 4th at Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Cory

Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin.

–Relish Bar & Grill

Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist.

–Arlene’s Grocery

Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buddha, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Drugs, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hard Drugs, Heroin, History & Geography, Homeless, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, Physical appearance, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

That’s Mistress Mayhem to You

Guy: Thanks, ma’am.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “ma’am?”? Do I look like a ma’am? I don’t look that old, do I?
Guy: No, no; “ma’am” is a sign of respect, not age.
Teenage cashier: Okay, then.
Guy: Uh, thanks, hot mama.
Teenage cashier: Did he just call me “hot mama”?

–Gourmet Garage, Broadway

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on July 26, 2015
Age/Aging, Assholes, Comebacks, Customers, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Guys, Shopping, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

That’s the One With the High Kicking, Right?

American lady: I saw you trying to get ahead of me.
Russian lady: No, no I didn’t.
American lady: Oh yes, you did. You were trying to pull that Russian two-step on me!

–Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Posted on July 6, 2015
Brooklyn, Grocery Stores, Ladies Who Lunch, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style

Of the Blue-Footed Variety

Adult friend: Your mommy just had a baby! How is Jack* doing? Does he have a lot of bottles?
Little girl: No, just boobies.

–Economy Candy, Lower East Side

Posted on July 5, 2015
Babies, Default, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Lower East Side, Questions

You Speak English Beautifully

Woman: I'm from Utah.
Fruit vendor: Utah!? I've never even heard of anybody from Utah!

–Union Square Farmers Market

Overheard by: I've *heard* of them, but I don't believe in them

Posted on July 5, 2015
Customers, Default, Grocery Stores, Southerners, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

Oh Deer

Girl #1: A fawn is an animal? I was just guessing.
Girl #2: Yeah, it's a small deer, like Bambi.
Girl #1: Bambi was a fawn?! I thought he was a cantaloupe!
Girl #2: You mean an “antelope”!

–Union Square Food Emporium

Posted on June 27, 2015
Animals & Nature, Disney, Girls, Grocery Stores, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Words

She Also Sorted the Alpha-Bits Incorrectly

Lady: …and a half-pound of roasted brussels sprouts with peas.
Counter guy: Those are actually pearl onions, ma’am.
Lady: Well, the sign says peas.
Counter guy: I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but the person who made that sign is an idiot…No really, that’s her over there. Complete dipshit.

–Gourmet Garage, 7th Avenue

Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd

Posted on June 22, 2015
Customers, Food, Grocery Stores, Guys, Insults, Shopping, Vendors & Street Performers, Women

“What the pluck are you talking about?”

Woman: Why the fuck would you put a chicken in the juice machine?
Man: It’s common sense.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Alexei Lebedev

Posted on June 11, 2015
Delis, Food, Grocery Stores, Men, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Grocery Stores