Grocery Stores

Guy #1: After Jim moved to Riverhead, he doesn't come out to the city anymore to hang out.
Guy #2: Fuck those Long Island people. Fuck 'em. Let those Mercedes-driving assholes go to Roosevelt Field Mall and climb that fuckin' rock wall for fun while we get drunk and bang bitches under the 59th St bridge.

–Outside Macy's, Herald Square

Mother: Do you sell M&M booty shorts for little girls?
Cashier: Um… No.
Mother: Oh well… thank you.

–M&M’s World

Teen girl #1: Whoa, are those apples really all in perfect rows?
Teen girl #2: Whole Foods has really out-yuppied itself this time.

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Customer: I don’t think onions are vegetables.
Employee: You don’t think onions are vegetables? Then what are they?
Customer: I think they should be listed separately, in the onion category.

–PAX, 57th St

Overheard by: Tech Support

Guy (surprised): But there was no mangina there!
Girl (equally surprised): Yeah! There was nobody wearing any strap-on parts at all! I was disappointed.

–Pete's Candy Store, Williamsburg

Ghetto lady on phone waiting for bus: Ugh. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to stick my hands up your ass.

–Hunts Point

Dude on cell: I think he's the same guy who stuck the jar up his ass. (pause) Well, because the camera angle was the same, and the scar…

–108th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk gay man speaking to straight couple: So I'm at the wedding talking to my future cousin-in-law about how it's not gay if he likes things in his ass, and he said that's not his problem, his problem is asking her to cut her fingernails.

–26th b/w 9th & 10th

Female suit on cell: There was something going into that butt, did I not mention that?

–10th & Hudson

Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy: I’m not the mommy.
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy: I am not the mommy.
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy, screaming: I am not the mommy!

–Little Italy grocery

Overheard by: should i be taking parenting notes?

Lady: Oh, Coca-Cola! I guess you don’t have gastrointeritis!
Girl: Uh, actually I was going to use it to cook.
Checkout guy: Yeah, you can cook with Coke. You don’t have to just drink it.

–Jefferson Market, 6th Avenue

Overheard by: Nicole J

Hasidic Jew: How much is this detergent?
Cashier: $2.99.
Hasidic Jew: Never mind. I’ll put it back.

–Rite-Aid, Bensonhurst

Teen #1: What's a scallion pancake? Do you put syrup on it?
Teen #2: I don't know.
Teen #1: I thought scallions were a seafood.
Teen #2: No. That's “scallops.”

–Chinese Takeout, Queens

Overheard by: illyria