Guy #1: After Jim moved to Riverhead, he doesn't come out to the city anymore to hang out.
Guy #2: Fuck those Long Island people. Fuck 'em. Let those Mercedes-driving assholes go to Roosevelt Field Mall and climb that fuckin' rock wall for fun while we get drunk and bang bitches under the 59th St bridge.
–Outside Macy's, Herald Square
Mother: Do you sell M&M booty shorts for little girls?
Cashier: Um… No.
Mother: Oh well… thank you.
–M&M’s World
Teen girl #1: Whoa, are those apples really all in perfect rows?
Teen girl #2: Whole Foods has really out-yuppied itself this time.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Customer: I don’t think onions are vegetables.
Employee: You don’t think onions are vegetables? Then what are they?
Customer: I think they should be listed separately, in the onion category.
–PAX, 57th St
Overheard by: Tech Support
Guy (surprised): But there was no mangina there!
Girl (equally surprised): Yeah! There was nobody wearing any strap-on parts at all! I was disappointed.
–Pete's Candy Store, Williamsburg
Ghetto lady on phone waiting for bus: Ugh. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to stick my hands up your ass.
–Hunts Point
Dude on cell: I think he's the same guy who stuck the jar up his ass. (pause) Well, because the camera angle was the same, and the scar…
–108th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk gay man speaking to straight couple: So I'm at the wedding talking to my future cousin-in-law about how it's not gay if he likes things in his ass, and he said that's not his problem, his problem is asking her to cut her fingernails.
–26th b/w 9th & 10th
Female suit on cell: There was something going into that butt, did I not mention that?
–10th & Hudson
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy: I’m not the mommy.
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy: I am not the mommy.
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy, screaming: I am not the mommy!
–Little Italy grocery
Overheard by: should i be taking parenting notes?
Lady: Oh, Coca-Cola! I guess you don’t have gastrointeritis!
Girl: Uh, actually I was going to use it to cook.
Checkout guy: Yeah, you can cook with Coke. You don’t have to just drink it.
–Jefferson Market, 6th Avenue
Overheard by: Nicole J
Hasidic Jew: How much is this detergent?
Cashier: $2.99.
Hasidic Jew: Never mind. I’ll put it back.
–Rite-Aid, Bensonhurst
Teen #1: What's a scallion pancake? Do you put syrup on it?
Teen #2: I don't know.
Teen #1: I thought scallions were a seafood.
Teen #2: No. That's “scallops.”
–Chinese Takeout, Queens
Overheard by: illyria
