Yuppie girl: I need to get an exfoliant. You know that weird rough patch on my face?
Yuppie guy: Yeah.
Yuppie girl: I had it for a few weeks and just realized it was dead skin cells.
Yuppie guy: Ew.
Yuppie girl: Yeah, I just thought it was dried spit.
–Whole Foods check-out line, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: bathed and exfoliated daily
Pregnant woman on cell: I'd love to have another baby with him, but did you know he got two different girls pregnant in one year? (later in the conversation) Mmm-hmm, I know. Kids are annoying!
–7-Eleven
Overheard by: Jeffrey Rice
Six-year-old boy pushing shopping cart: Daddy, look! Beer!
Dad: Yes, that’s beer.
Six-year-old boy: We have to get some beer.
Dad: No, we’re not getting any beer today.
Six-year-old boy, bummed: Okay, we won’t get any beer today.
–Gristedes Supermarket, 40th & 2nd
Little girl: Dad. Dad. Dad.
Dad: Stop pulling on me. What?
Little girl, pointing up at an enormous black man: He looks like a big chocolate bar!
Dad, with a forced grin: She’s five.
–Line, Grace’s Market Place
Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
–Midtown office
Woman in self-scan lane, yelling at employee: These Peeps won’t scan!
Employee: Ma’am, please calm down. I can scan them in for you.
Woman: No, you know what? I don’t need the Peeps. I’ll take my Pepsi and forget the Peeps. Peeps not scanning… Ugh!
Employee, under her breath: Every fucking time this bitch is in here…
–Food Emporium
Overheard by: Meaghan
Four-year-old boy: You're so mean to me, mama!
Mom: Yeah, I get that all the time.
–Commodities Natural Market, 10th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Richelle
Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Poogins
Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!
–10th Street & 3rd Ave
Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!
–Times Square Office Building
Overheard by: SUSAN
Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.
–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.
–On the Bus
Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."
–15th between 6th and 7th
Overheard by: Disunionsquare
Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]
–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square
Woman: I always thought the Purple Pieman was Satan. Isn’t that one of his many names?
–K-mart, West 34th Street
Overheard by: CC
Bodega guy to old Dominican guy: What's up, sister?
Old Dominican guy: I got your sister swinging!
–Throop & Vernon
Overheard by: johnny
