(random guy trips over three-year-old girl’s stroller)
Guy: Oops, I’m sorry, honey.
Three-year-old girl in stroller: Don’t call me honey!
–Atlantic Ave Station
Overheard by: Michael
(random guy trips over three-year-old girl’s stroller)
Guy: Oops, I’m sorry, honey.
Three-year-old girl in stroller: Don’t call me honey!
–Atlantic Ave Station
Overheard by: Michael
Guy: So she doesn’t even like him?
Girl: No.
Guy: Well then, why does she stay with him?
Girl: I asked her that too. She said “He’s got a twelve inch cock and he doesn’t hit me. I’m stayin’!”
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Jonathan
Fat woman #1, at intermission: Man, these seats are tight!
Fat woman #2: Oh my god, tell me about it! My butt is killing me!
Fat woman #1, to skinny guy sitting in between them: Was I spilling over into your seat?
Skinny guy: You both were.
–New Amsterdam Theatre
Overheard by: Ali
Girl, about spiderman 3: It was a great movie if you wanted to see how to be the world’s worst boyfriend. All he cared about was himself. I mean, how could he have been so stupid? He…
Guy: You know, it’s not always the guy’s fault.
Girl: But it was! Were we watching the same movie?
Guy: I can’t believe we’re arguing about whose fault it was that Peter and Mary Jane broke up.
Girl: It was his fault.
–Union Square
Bald construction guy: Dude, if you fell down while she was going down on you, I probably would have peed all over her. (swinging motion with hand at crotch area) Oooohhhh.
Suit: Oh my god, if you did that I would have started peeing on her too.
–Pizza Wagon, 86th Street
Overheard by: Trying to Enjoy my Lunch over here
Bearded guy to female friend: I went to Williamsburg and was like: "Who *are* all these people that look just like me?
–Café Pick Me Up, 9th & Ave A
Overheard by: Doibles
Young hipster: I only date girls from the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.
–9th St & Ave A
Overheard by: bildita
NYU girl to friend: Berlin is like, the new, like… Williamsburg.
–4th Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: john.ainley
Young girl: I’m Middle Eastern, and I swear to god if I see another honky wearing a keffiyeh I’m going to commit fucking Jihad on Williamsburg.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Visitor, looking around in bewilderment: Why is everyone trying to look like they’re poor?
–Bagel Shop, Williamsburg
Overheard by: NCT
Old man: Hah! I fell asleep at her funeral!
–3rd Ave, b/w 10th & 11th
Overheard by: j
Man to woman: Hey you! You were in my dream last night. You, myself and a bunch of people in the office were having an orgy on a mattress right in front of our office. At first it was great, but then it became awkward because people kept walking into the office and we got in their way.
–34th St & 6th Ave
Man with French accent on cell: Do we have room for her, or will she have to sleep in the dungeon?
–32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: LC
(guy is woken up by a friend after falling asleep on the train)
Guy: You dude, why you wake me up! I was having the best dream. There was shorties everywhere. There was shorties in trees and shit!
–2 Train
Conductor: For all of you running late, we are being delayed by another train with the emergency break on. Or you could tell ’em you just slept in today.
–D Train
Overheard by: blistexaddict
Patron: Do these stairs go up?
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Maura
Drunk White Sox fan to passerby: Hey, what time does Times Square close?
–Outside Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: giovanna
Dude at the next table: Is Long Island really an island?
–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Yes, he really just said that
(girl sees poster for Army Wives and turns to friend)
Girl: I don’t get that show. Are they married to army dudes or something?
–C Train
Southern lady: Empire State ReBuilding? Does that mean they’re moving it?
–33rd & 5th
Overheard by: Katie Mainc
Girl to friend (about guy with camera behind her): His dick is digging into my back!
Guy to friend (oblivious to what girl said): My camera lens is digging into her ass!
–The Crazy Donkey, Broadhollow Road
Overheard by:
Crazy guy eating in deli: You know, 200 years ago, people wouldn’t be able to get anything they wanted from this place… They’d have to go hunt for food.
Clerk, pretending to be amused: Oh, really?
Crazy guy eating in deli (really excited): And you know what?! There used to be cats screaming all night long until the Chinese food places came around (laughs to himself) but not anymore!
–27th & 6th
Overheard by: Karl
