Guy: What do you do?
Girl: I’m a probation officer.
Guy: Oh, criminal or family?
Girl: Criminal.
Guy: Can I pee in your cup?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Paul
Guy: What do you do?
Girl: I’m a probation officer.
Guy: Oh, criminal or family?
Girl: Criminal.
Guy: Can I pee in your cup?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Paul
Black girl: I’m not voting. I’m from Illinois and I never registered to get an absentee ballot.
White guy: Well, Obama’s clearly going to win there, anyway. (pause) Oh, wait… No, I didn’t mean…
Black girl: No, it’s okay, you’re right, I would have voted for him.
White guy: But that’s not why I… It wasn’t the black thing, it was the NYU thing.
–NYU Silver Center
Woman: Do you have any books on violins?
Sales guy: Well, we don’t have a lot about playing them, but we have some about the sensuality of it.
Woman: It’s for a child.
Sales guy: Oh.
–Borders, 57th & Park Ave
Girl: You’ll never guess what I saw in the Delancey Street station today. I was about to sit down on the bench when I noticed that someone had drawn swastikas all over it with a marker.
Guy: That’s distasteful.
Girl: Tell me about it. I’m sure people come across that and have their day completely ruined. Luckily, I was only slightly annoyed.
–G Train
Overheard by: greg*
Conductor: Yes, here’s the bathroom. And if someone’s in there (points to the garbage can in the wall) you can go right in there, I don’t care.
Guy standing near the garbage, to another passenger: Hey, hey! Not while I’m standing here.
–Train Departing from Penn Station
Headline by: Rachel
Runners-Up:
· “And the Waterfountain Is a Bidet on Really Busy Days” – bdayfox
· “I Guess It Really Is Better to Be Pissed Off Than Pissed On” – Mark
· “Let Me Lay Down and Get Comfortable First” – ddv
· “Please Stand Clear Of the Emptying Bowels” – Mr. Hedge
· “So That’s What They Mean by “Business” Class.” – Jessie Birks
· “Wait Till We Get to Newark, When I Can’t Tell the Difference” – Barry P.
Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: John-Boy
Man to friend: Ya know I’ve touched both your dick and your brother’s dick… and his is much bigger.
–44th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: bigstoopit
20-something guy: I’ve just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.
–1 Train
Overheard by: drew
Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter’s dick in my mouth. I didn’t see it, I don’t even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it’s not important!
–Greenwich Ave
Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I’d suck the Jolly Green Giant’s dick, I don’t care if it did break my jaw.
–MacDougal St
Guy: And I was thinking how lucky I was not to have had a bris. That guy had like eight of them!
–Thai Restaurant
Overheard by: sara swank
Girl: Wait, are you circumcised? In the penis?
–Wicked Monk, 86th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: christine
Beautiful Latina: But my dad getting circumcised at 57 wasn’t even the funniest thing!
–Dallas BBQ, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Ladle
Teen on cell: So, they were going to uncircumcise it?
–Flatbush Ave & 7th Ave, Brooklyn
Teen girl: Oh my god, my circumcised hot dog!
–The Summit School
Overheard by: Michael
CVS employee on cell: Yo, that nigga be gangsta son, he be gangsta. That nigga be circumcised, he all "what?" that nigga fall down, he be "waah, waah" then be be right back up playing an shit. Yeah, that nigga’s gangsta.
–CVS, 30th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Robyn
(Guy wearing laminated sign bearing photo of the 9/11 commission report approaches shopper)
Signboard guy: Excuse me, are you a registered voter in New York?
Middle-aged man in suit: Yes.
Signboard guy: We are trying to gather signatures to have the 9/11 commission reopened.
Middle-aged man: You’re a fucking asshole from hell!
–Associated Store, 14th St & 1st Ave
Guy: He is so stupid.
Girl: He isn’t stupid, his brain is full.
–8th St & Greene
Lost barhopper: Hey, do you guys know where MacDougal Street is?
Hipster: Oh, I’m sorry dude. I’m just looking at the size of the fucking dog over there.
–Bleecker & Jones
Overheard by: KNation
