Wednesday One-Liner Are Better Than “Teen Spirit”

Lively black man: My sense of smell is back. I can smell pussy again!

–LIRR

Overheard by: meg

Black girl on cell: …you know it smells like straight bootymeat!

–Times Square

Overheard by: patrick

Obese black woman wearing skin-tight World’s #1 Dad t-shirt: This train smells like urine.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: World’s #2 Dad

Guy on cell: Baby, all I’m saying is when you came home last night, you smelled like another dude!

–107th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: HuntingSnark

Woman to male friend: I’ll just have to call you "anus breath" from now on.

–Jewish Theological Seminary, 122nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sticking to mouthwash from now on

Woman: I smell dick. (licks her hand, sniffs it) Sho ’nuff!

–R Train

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Public Transportation, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.

–1 Train

Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?

–17th & 7th

20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?

–LIRR

Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!

–Washington Square Park

Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!

–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compliments, Food, Girls, Guys, Italians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women

Affirmations for Stupid People Causes More Trouble

(guy runs by, slams into black girl on his way to make his train)
Black girl: Excuuuuuuuse you!
Guy: I’m on fire!

–L Train

Overheard by: clitoris rex

Posted on July 7, 2008
Apologies, Black People, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Weirdness

First a Tip… Then the Whole Shaft

Guy: What makes you think the guy she likes is gay?
Girl: He’s a bartender in a gay bar. But he says it’s only because they tip better.

–Cosi, 13th & Broadway

Posted on July 6, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

And That Chocolate Milk Was Hardcore

Guy to bartender (about friend standing next to him): I could barely get this guy to drink last night!
Friend: Dude! I was driving!

–Barcelona Bar

Overheard by: Friend for Drunk Driving

Posted on July 6, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

The Side Of Jared Subway Doesn’t Want You to See

Guy #1: Yo, man. I lost seven pounds. Can you believe it?
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a fuckin’ shoestring on my pants.
Guy #2: Uh…
Guy #1: I don’t like this. I liked being fat.

–CVS, Allerton

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on July 5, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Guys, Questions, Store, The Bronx

When I Try That, My Throat Burns for Some Reason

Chick: My theology professor is sooooo in tune with everything.
Dude: Well, duh, he probably drinks holy water and shit.

–Washington Square Park

Posted on July 5, 2008
Compliments, Default, Drinks, Education, Girls, Guys, Religion, Students, Washington Square Park

He Hooked Up with This Chick and the Rest Was History

Guy #1: Yo, there was a party and her sister was in the shower. I went in there and fucked the shit out of her.
Guy #2: That’s all I’ve been doin’ lately. Fucking.

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Posted on July 4, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Default, Family Ties, Guys, Leisure, On the Subway, Sex

She Also Requires a Full Medical History and Recent Bank Statement

(white girl walks past group of black guys)
Black guy #1: Crimes? Crimes? You wanna do some crimes?
Black guy #2: Nah man, you gotta have a computer to do crimes with her.

–4th St & Ave A

Posted on July 4, 2008
Black People, Computer, Crime and Punishment, Default, Guys, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Words

If Everyday Life Were Structured Like Double Dare

Guy #1: Yeah–it was great! They gave me all this stuff, three pairs of shoes and some shorts, just for showing up.
Guy #2: That’s great! When did you get out of the psych ward?
Guy #1: Just today!

–Stuyvesant Place, Staten Island

Posted on July 4, 2008
Clothing, Crazy, Default, Free stuff!, Guys, Staten Island, Weirdness

Guys

Affirmations for Stupid People Causes More Trouble

He Hooked Up with This Chick and the Rest Was History