Guys

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Hot Right Now

Big muscular man on cell: It's so damn hot, I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup.

–Outside Tribeca Deli

Overheard by: Akiko

Conductor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Number 3 train across the platform. Get it while it's hot!

–Downtown 1 Train

Elderly black woman to no one in particular: It's so hot my pussy is melting!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: lemchek

Enthusiastic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to marry him!

–Thompson & W 3rd St

Guy: I'm telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from under my towel and fell on the floor… like they was trying to escape or something.

–Starbucks

Dude to friend: I wanna say she's hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who accepts Discover.

–The Village

Christianity, Everybody’s Favorite S&M Religion

Guy to girlfriend, watching Easter Passion procession, complete with Christ carrying cross: Oh my god, they’re whipping him! That’s great, that’s brilliant… I love this neighborhood.

–12th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Porkido

And I Don't Have My Lacing Staff Here With Me Today

Girl: Wait… guys.
Group: What?
Girl: I just realized… I have to put on my shoes when we leave!

–62nd St

“Have they set a date?”

Guy #1: Yeah, I’m going home again next month. My parents are sort of obsessed with me because I’m an only child.
Guy #2: You’re an only child? Oh man, I feel so bad for your parents. They are going to be so depressed when you die.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Shoshana

Tuesdays with Morrie Used to Be Way Less Awkward

Guy #1 holding porn DVD: I would so love to fuck a girl that was into DP.
Guy #2: Yeah, me too, but ball touching is so gay, and I’m trying to recover from the cock.

Headline by: Will

Runners-Up:

· “Because hot cock requires cold turkey” – Greg Costello

· “He also just had laser surgery for his masturbatory blindness” – remark

· “I know dad, i know.” – nick

· “I think there’s a 12 inch program for that.” – nick

· “Rectum? That rooster nearly killed ‘im!” – Dalton

· “Step One: Stop going to the porn shop with your “buddy”” – DanaLishs


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

And For You, Lion, I Have Some Overpriced Coffee

Guy: Well, it’s about what we think would happen if there was a Starbucks in the land of Oz.
Girl: Wow!

–Grand Saloon, 23rd between 3rd & Park

Can’t We Stop This Madness and Do Meth Like Usual?

Dude leaving bathroom: Man, I really want some popcorn.
Man at bar stool: What, baby? You want some poppers?
Dude leaving bathroom, to friend: The sad thing is that’s not the first time that happened to me today.

–The Duplex

Wednesday One-Liner: The Musical

Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time!

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert… Hootie and the Blowfish.

–Jazz at Lincoln Center

Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Overheard by: Queixa

Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Kateri

Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that.

–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard

His Bowels Found It Moving

Guy #1: Dude, I just shit in my pants.
Guy #2: My story wasn’t that funny.
Guy #1: No, I really took a shit in my pants.

–N train

See What You've Started, Beyonce?

Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skankalicious” written all over it.

–35th & 7th

Overheard by: GJL

Headline by: Porter

Runners-Up:
· “Britney’s Got a New Clothing Line?” – Ray
· “In Accordance With the New Truth in Graffiti Regulations” – bq
· “It’s the New “Gucci”” – JohnnyB
· “Someone Tell Fergie to Stop Making Up Song Titles” – Botticus
· “The New Mariah Carey Doll Created Unexpected Collectors” – EddieA

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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