Guy #1: No, man, she’s been lying for a while now.
Guy #2: I dunno, man…
Guy #1: It’s true. Remember that time I was like, “Hey, where’s your baby?” And she was like, “Oh yeah…I had a miscarriage.”
Guy #2: True. True.
–Pick a Bagel, 3rd Ave between 22nd & 23rd
Overheard by: Shannon
Girl #1: So wait… You have trouble orgasming?
Girl #2: Yes! It's like impossible for me to come through sex alone.
Girl #1: But fingering and oral works?
Girl #2: Well, yeah.
Girl #1 to guy friend: How ya hanging in there, Matt?
Matt: I need to start hanging out with more guys.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Girl: I need a job with benefits.
Guy: McDonald's has benefits–free lunch, and you get to learn how to make French fries.
–Prospect Park
Black woman #1, to black woman #2: That’s a real cute phone for a nigger without a job.
–Sprint Store
Overheard by: wigger with a job
Guy: I dunno, if I had that much money, I’d spend it on something else. Like pants made of diamonds…Or hookers made of gold.
–Lafayette & Bond
Overheard by: jayloo
Hobo, to baby in stroller: You’re a fucking moron, kid, wasting all your money on that shit!
–Central Park
Overheard by: PeggyG.
Dude #1: Everyone has or will take drugs at least once in their lifetime…
Dude #2: I don't know about that.
Dude #3: What about the Pope?
Dude #1: Trust me, he has or will.
–W 72nd St.
Guy #1: I told him you don't ask a woman for a cigarette, you just don't do it.
Guy #2: Yeah… Word.
Guy #1: But he didn't listen. Next thing you know he's getting pistol whipped and my car is being towed away.
–1 Train
Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.
–E 3rd St & 1st Ave
Guy: The world is my cumrag!
–4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jordan Bruce
Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.
–32nd & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Matt
Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.
–Times Square
Overheard by: watching her back
Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)
–1 Train
Overheard by: hsw
Conductor: Attention downtown passengers. The train that just left the station was obviously not your train.
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Hey, it’s the MTA who should be spanked!
–Rector St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Small girl to mom: I like this train station the best because it has an elevator, and you can see the whole world outside. The whole wide beautiful world.
–Harlem Escalator, 1 Train
Overheard by: Mark Brinker
Guy: I get all my information from subway ads.
–F Train
Overheard by: Thom Cohen
Woman, hearing garbled announcement that E train is running as an F: No! They are takin’ all my E trains!
–E Train
Overheard by: I can has E train?
Crackhead: Make sure to take your newspapers with you on the way out of the train. I’m having company over later and I want it to look nice.
–Franklin Avenue Shuttle
Overheard by: shuttle rider
Woman, to friend: he was so excited, I thought his butt plug was going to shoot out of his ass.
–Spring Street and 6th St
Overheard by: Sarah O.
Dude in fur coat and construction boots: My mom asked me if I had a razor in my butt…
–Downtown ‘1’ Train
Husband to wife:
I can’t believe you just put your finger up my butt hole!
–Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: bonifacia
Transvestite prostitute: I just got off my second and last date tonight… Man paid me 4 bills to stick my fingers in his booty.
–Meat-packing District
Overheard by: Erin
Guy on cell: you have to get drunk enough not to puke, but enough to take the piece of glass into your ass!
–Bleeker & Barrow
Overheard by: ivy270
Guy on cell phone passing by: normally when you say that, my asshole starts puckering!
–Union Square
Guy: Marriage is not for me. It's like having cable with only one channel.
Girl: Me either. My mama says it's like when you see some clothes in a store window and you think you want it, but you look at it for too long and change your mind. That's how I feel.
Guy: Dang! That's cold, son! You're comparing guys to clothes?! That ain't right!
Girl: You just compared women to tv channels.
–110th St & Broadway
Overheard by: CE
