20-ish guy: So, I should just ask: Can I come in and fuck your brains out?
20-ish girl: You don’t have to be all Tarantino about it, but yeah.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Esther
20-ish guy: So, I should just ask: Can I come in and fuck your brains out?
20-ish girl: You don’t have to be all Tarantino about it, but yeah.
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Esther
Lazy guy on bike: My tailbone hurts.
Lazy girl on bike: My vagina bones hurt.
–East Village
Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies.
–Manhattan Theatre Source
Overheard by: Emily B.
Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard.
–Dorm, Pratt Institute
College student: Ghosts? They're like VT!
–186th St & Amsterdam
Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: emily d.
Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway!
–Union Square Subway Entrance
Overheard by: Masked Avenger
Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.
–Bank St. & Greenwich St.
Overheard by: Katie Compa
Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Santiago and Catie
Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!
–W 103rd St
Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.
–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn
Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.
–Townsend Harris High School
Overheard by: amused
Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)
–McDonald's
Guy to other guy: You might be dead and I might be in jail, but I’ll still kick yo ass.
–Vanderbilt Ave near Grand Central
CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.
–Hallway, CCNY
Overheard by: ladyliver
Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on.
–1250 Broadway
Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed…
–Smoke Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: Kiri
Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy.
–Good Stuff Diner, 14th St
Overheard by: Kosi
Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Sarah
History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental.
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Guy: Hey, Liz! Whatever happens, don’t turn out like my mom.
–Quantum Leap, Thompson St.
Relatively sober girl: Bruce, you can't sleep here. You live in Queens. Your bed is in Queens.
Drunk guy: No, this is my new home. I live here now. (points at the wall)
Relatively sober girl: Bruce, go home.
Drunk guy: I am home.
Relatively sober girl: No, your house is in Queens. Go there.
Drunk guy: Queens? Okay. (points to the left) I'm going to go that way cause it's longer. No…wait, (points to the right) That way.
Relatively sober girl: Whatever! I did not sign up for this tonight.
–9th St & Ave A
Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst…
–Nathan's, West 32nd St
Overheard by: SuzeV
Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st
Overheard by: Lillian
Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!
–96th and Broadway
Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.
–jet blue terminal, jfk
Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients
Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.
–Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit
Man on phone: I didn’t steal it, I took it! I don’t steal!
–Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Kit
