Hipster, walking to registers with an armload of toothpaste: Who wants me?
Cashiers: (stare blankly, not moving)
Hipster: What, no one wants me? Ah, damn. That's sad.
–Duane Reade
Hipster, walking to registers with an armload of toothpaste: Who wants me?
Cashiers: (stare blankly, not moving)
Hipster: What, no one wants me? Ah, damn. That's sad.
–Duane Reade
Hot girl #1: It’s the guy on the end of the train.
Hot girl #2: Wow. It’s amazing the human body can smell like that and still be alive.
–Coney Island-bound F train
Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.
–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court
Overheard by: NTA
Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.
–2nd St & Ave B
Overheard by: Max Berlinger
Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Krisztina ,who uses anti-bacterial
Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.]
–1 Train
Overheard by: Subway rider
Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this "living paycheck to paycheck" thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.
–Columbia University Campus
Overheard by: Alina
College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!
–Broome St
Overheard by: YJL
Guy #1: You look good though, lose a little weight?
Guy #2: I know, it’s great. I can’t say I’m crazy about the constant nosebleeds and cravings at all hours of the day, but it’s worth it anyway, my appetite’s gone.
Guy #1: What?
–Q train
Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days.
–Citi Field Stadium
Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: jax
Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Fresh Man
Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?
–Willoughby & Vanderbilt
Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?
Girl: Yeah, I’ll have a cranberry juice.
Grandpa: What’s wrong, you got a yeast infection or something?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: befuddled diner
Man: What’s that you’re putting on your cheesecake?
Woman: My cholesterol medication.
Man: Um… I don’t think that’s how it works.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Julie
Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter…
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That's… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I'm afraid I don't have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.
–Sephora, Times Square
Professor, after student coughs: Yes. Yes. I'm just getting over my cold. You saw me! In the theater, I was a row ahead of you!
Student: Yeah…
Professor, with infinite sadness: I had a coughing fit. I…I just…melted. I melted.
–NYU
Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!
–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Paper
Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!
–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center
Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.
–Kings County Emergency Room
Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!
–Nassau St & Ann St
Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
