Store guy: You know, I used to smoke 2-3 packs a day. It’s really not good for you.
Dude: Are you gonna give me a discount on Nicorette, then?
Store guy: We don’t have it…but you don’t need that stuff anyway. It doesn’t work. All you really need is your–
He taps his hand on his chest.
Dude: If my heart made nicotine I wouldn’t need to buy cigarettes.
–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th
Overheard by: Katie
Non-smoker to guy offering smokes: No, thanks — I’m trying to quit.
Smoker: What do you do about the cravings?
Non-smoker: Well, when I get a craving I just dip instead.
–Wall St
Overheard by: dakota
Hipster, walking to registers with an armload of toothpaste: Who wants me?
Cashiers: (stare blankly, not moving)
Hipster: What, no one wants me? Ah, damn. That's sad.
–Duane Reade
Hot girl #1: It’s the guy on the end of the train.
Hot girl #2: Wow. It’s amazing the human body can smell like that and still be alive.
–Coney Island-bound F train
Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.
–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court
Overheard by: NTA
Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.
–2nd St & Ave B
Overheard by: Max Berlinger
Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Krisztina ,who uses anti-bacterial
Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.]
–1 Train
Overheard by: Subway rider
Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this "living paycheck to paycheck" thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.
–Columbia University Campus
Overheard by: Alina
College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!
–Broome St
Overheard by: YJL
Guy #1: You look good though, lose a little weight?
Guy #2: I know, it’s great. I can’t say I’m crazy about the constant nosebleeds and cravings at all hours of the day, but it’s worth it anyway, my appetite’s gone.
Guy #1: What?
–Q train
Slutty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I've been shitting blood for two days.
–Citi Field Stadium
Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: jax
Chick laughing hysterically on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Fresh Man
Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleeding from his eye sockets and shit. (pause) So you wanna meet up later?
–Willoughby & Vanderbilt
Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?
Girl: Yeah, I’ll have a cranberry juice.
Grandpa: What’s wrong, you got a yeast infection or something?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: befuddled diner
Man: What’s that you’re putting on your cheesecake?
Woman: My cholesterol medication.
Man: Um… I don’t think that’s how it works.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Julie
Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter…
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That's… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I'm afraid I don't have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.
–Sephora, Times Square
