Lifestyles Of the Wednesday One-Liners

Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?

–ACORN High School for Social Justice

Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.

–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade

Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Margot

Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!

–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Janelle

Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!

–Palace Theatre

Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!

–E 17th St

Overheard by: the Big R

Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!

–47th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Posted on April 1, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Music, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, President, Questions, Singing, Stoners, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Women

College Boys, in a Nutshell.

Guy #1: Dude, I got icy hot on my penis and it hurt so bad that I had to wrap it in toilet paper.
Guy #2: Haha, it's a mummy penis!

–NYU Palladium

Overheard by: Zacharia

Posted on March 26, 2009
Guys, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, NYU, Penis

Why Doctors Treat Patients Like They're Idiots

Woman: Your doctors told us not to let you have any alcohol, because of your medication.
Elderly woman: Okay. I'll just have beer then.

–F Train

Overheard by: Mae

Posted on March 22, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, On the Subway, Women

Like the Time I Tried to Smoke My TV

Stoned vendor: That's a real marijuana leaf in there.
Random curious guy: No way!
Stoned vendor: Way! I grew it myself!
Random curious guy: So I can smoke the plate and shit?
Stoned vendor: Yeah, but you'll set your face on fire and go into a coma.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dwight K Shrute

Posted on March 17, 2009
Guys, Health and Hygiene, Stoners, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weed

Only One? Pussy.

Girl, scratching her arm: I have a bug bite; it itches.
Guy: You think that's bad? I have a genital wart.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fox

Posted on March 14, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insects, Private Parts, STDs

As I Explained in My Last Biology Paper

Asian guy coming from gym: I swear, you're like anorexic.
Skinny girl coming from gym: Oh my god, I would much rather be bulimic than anorexic, you get to eat so much!

–Washington Mews, NYU

Posted on March 6, 2009
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, NYU, Physical appearance, Skinny People, Wishes & desires

Another Successful Workday for Pedro

Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated!

–Bleecker & McDougal

Posted on February 28, 2009
Body Parts, Creepsters, Drunks, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Offers and requests, Rape, Sorority Girls, The Village, Weirdness

Drinking Alcohol, Missing Curfew–It's a Nightmare.

Man: Say, how's your tapeworm doing?
Woman: Oh, don't even get me started!

–R Train

Overheard by: Chad L.

Posted on February 28, 2009
Health and Hygiene, Men, On the Subway, Questions, Women

Wednesday May Have Soiled Its One-Liners

Man on cell: She said I had to pay, so I shat in her mouth and left.

–34th & 5th

Three-year-old boy, looking overjoyed: I have to go poop!

–Store, 18th & Union Square West

Overheard by: i had to go, too!

Woman getting on train, giggling: I got a question…is there a pile of feces on this train?

–A Train

Elderly man on phone: Yesterday I coughed and shat my pants.

–3rd Ave & Fordham

Four-year-old boy, dancing: I like to move it, move it! I like to poop it, poop it!

–E 69th St McDonald's

Overheard by: Leslie

Brunette on cell: And then I told her, "hey hey, I'm not the fecal freak here. Don't go throwing poo at me." I mean really, I don't even like my own poo. I'm supposed to like hers?

–Williamsburg

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Girls, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Street, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

They're Even Friends with It on Facebook!

Columbia girl: I mean, they're such bad friends. They basically support her being anorexic!
Friend: That's such an understatement. They encourage the anorexia! They're fucking fans of anorexia!

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fellow Supporter

Posted on February 7, 2009
Columbia University, Friends, Friendship, Health and Hygiene, Students, Weirdness

Health and Hygiene