Woman #1: Did you tell your friends about my constipation?
Woman #2: No, I didn't, they wouldn't appreciate it.
–79 & 3rd
Woman #1: Did you tell your friends about my constipation?
Woman #2: No, I didn't, they wouldn't appreciate it.
–79 & 3rd
Tween thug #1: Yo, Beth Israel hospital. You gotta be a Jew to go there? Haha!
Tween thug #2, somberly: No. My grandmother was in there.
Tween thug #1: Oh. I'm sorry… Shit! Look, that's where we got arrested! They cuffed me on that corner!
Tween thug #2: Yo, what time is it?
Tween thug #1: 5:11. (pause) Oh damn, my momma told me I had to be home at 5! She gonna kill me.
–B82 Bus
Nanny to four-year-old: Please stop screaming, you are going to give me a headache!
(pause)
Four-year-old: I had a headache once!
–Upper West Side Elevator
Drunk guy to hot girl: We should get some Viagra, so we can still have sex even though I've been drinking.
Hot girl to drunk guy: How about you just don't get drunk every night.
–Spring Loung, SohO
Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me…
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: jules
Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th… What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night.
–Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn
Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak!
–Grand Central Subway Platform
Overheard by: djprojexion
Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con… It's like, ten times more awesome…than anything awesome!
–NYC Comic Con
Overheard by: RedmanInc
Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.
–Fordham Law School
Guy #1: So did you take her to the hospital?
Guy #2: Nah, man, I took her to Brooklyn.
–Borough Hall
Overheard by: DRC
Whole Foods employee #1: They called me and said some lady was in Whole Body licking all the the nail polishes.
Whole Foods employee #2: Licking the nail polishes? Shit. Well, there was this one time they said a woman was walking around with one shoe off, so I went to check, and she had some infection or some shit, and one foot was like…Hobbit-sized.
Whole Foods employee #1: Wow! So she had a Frodo-foot?
Whole Foods employee #2: Yeah, a Frodo-foot. That's when you just start banning people.
–1 Train
Overheard by: percivalundercover
Douche on cell: I haven't had sex in 48 days and I feel like it's getting smaller. What should I do?
–48th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jnaz
Really old man complaining to his wife: You'd rather watch CNN than have sex with me!
–The Water Club, 30th & FDR
Overheard by: Trying to have a romantic dinner date
Pretty girl on cell: Yeah, I got this really bad toothache…my gums are sore too. (pause)
What do you mean what have I been putting in my mouth? (laughs) Well, nothing exciting, that's for sure! Maybe that's the problem. My mouth's probably going on strike cause it hasn't been getting any action.
–F Train
Overheard by: I wouldnt have minded putting something of mine in her mouth!
Girl on phone: I mean, if I don't fuck him, who will? His bitch-ass girlfriend certainly won't. (pause) No, not even; she only got those piercings so she could put a fucking lock in it.
–L Train
Random guy outside bedroom window: Just because I won't sleep with you doesn't mean I don't love you!
–Union Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Casey
Nigerian pharmacy assistant: Okay, is $50.00.
Overweight middle aged man: For that?! That tiny cream!? Forget it.
Nigerian pharmacy assistant: You don't want?
Overweight middle aged man: Nah, no thanks. I'll go with the rash.
–CVS Pharmacy
Overheard by: Jonathan Ferrantelli
Hot girl #1: My grandmother's vagina fell out or something.
Hot girl #2: Like I hope that's not hereditary.
–50th & 6th
