Wednesday One-Liners Are Eating Cat Food

Newspaper hawker: Close your umbrellas, people! You’re inside! You’re going to poke somebody’s eye out! Then they gonna sue you! Then you gonna be broke! Then you gonna throw yourself down the escalator!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Brawd

Black guy on cell: Niggas with no money are contagious!

–7 train platform, 74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Robyn Z

Flight attendant: Welcome to New York where the local time is 4:37. We know that you have a choice in selecting your air travel, and on behalf of the pilot and the crew I’d like to thank you for choosing our bankrupt airline.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Ldartjoy

Man on cell: There’s nothing worse than a poor snob.

–115th & Broadway, outside Columbia University

Hobo: Don’t anyone wanna donate to the broke-ass foundation?

–Houston St

Overheard by: Has been helped by that organization

Posted on July 25, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Columbia (& Barnard), Hobos, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-liners are Out in the Streets

Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sandwich.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jason K

Old bag lady: I’m looking for some change, some food, or a sexual partner.

–Lafayette & Great Jones

Hobo: I have something to say! I fucked your daughter! And she liked it! And she was tight!

–W. 4th & University

Overheard by: Snezhana Valdman

Hobo: Too many Police investigations stopping you from reaching your destination? I may be homeless, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!

–Staten Island ferry

Overheard by: Joel Guilbert

Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me money, one more thing. Has your sister or girlfriend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?

–45th & 9th

Overheard by: Paul Schellenberg

Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Franlin! R-E-S-E-C-P-T! R-E-S-E-C-P-T! Give me some respect!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Evan

Hobo: It’s 90 degrees out. Why are we wearing clothes? That’s mental illness.

–Rockefeller Center station

Posted on July 8, 2021
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Drunks, Food, Hobos, Lower Manhattan, Money & Class, Old People, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Union Square and East Village

“Waldbaum’s, for one.”

Hobo: Let me ask you something. How come White people don’t buy from Black-owned businesses?
White guy: I do. All the time.
Hobo: Yeah? What Black stores do you shop at?

–Morningside Drive & 113th

Overheard by: Captain Obvious

Posted on July 6, 2021
Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Race, Shopping, White People

Spring is in the Air (Alongside TB)

Hobo #1: I love you.
Hobo #2: Get the fuck out of here.
Hobo #1: What?
Hobo #2: You are going to fuck with me and you are going to get yourself hurt. I mean it!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: bebe

Posted on June 20, 2021
Anger Management, Crazies, Dating, Hobos, Horny, Manhattan, Men, One Night Stand, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Psychology, Relationships, Train Station

It Was a Meeting, Not a Holocaust

Suit #1: That was a pretty good meeting…
Suit #2: Yeah, we got a lot done.
Hobo: Was Liam Neeson in it?

–51st & Madison

Overheard by: BDA

Posted on June 10, 2021
A-List, Business and Commerce, Celebrities, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Suits

Lindsay Reps Her Own Urine These Days

Hobo putting hand on Justin Timberlake look-alike’s shoulder: Oh, shit! It’s Justin Timberlake, everybody!
Look-alike: Uh, what?
Tourist teenybopper: Can I have your autograph, please?
Look-alike: I’m not Justin Timberlake.
Tourist teenybopper: But you are.
Hobo, to look-alike: Dude, you work with me here, okay? We’ll do business. [To train] Ten bucks for Justin Timberlake’s autograph, everyone! For 20 bucks he’ll dance for you.
Tourist teenybopper: I have five dollars…
Hobo: We’re in business!
Look-alike: I’m going to kill you.
Hobo, to look-alike: Damn, this is the best plan I’ve ever come up with! Except for the time I tried to sell Lindsay Lohan’s piss for 20 bucks. Well, it was actually my own piss. I think God put me on this Earth to fuck with people.

–4 train

Posted on June 4, 2021
Hobos, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway

The Secret Is to Keep the Volume Down

Girl: What do you think he would do if I pushed his cart over?
Hobo: Bitch, I don’t care if you’re a girl, I’ll beat your ass.

–Carroll St & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on May 29, 2021
Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Hobos, Homeless

And by “Do” I Mean “Steal Your Money and Jerk Off on Your Shoe”

Girl to friend: Fucking prick!
Hobo: Girl, you nasty. You nasty, but I’d still do ya.

–6 train platform, 33rd St

Posted on March 31, 2021
Etiquette, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

If Only That Worked with Ashlee Simpson

Hobo, singing: Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb! Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was…
Man, holding out dollar: I will give you one dollar to shut the fuck up.
Hobo: (shuts up)

–14th St Subway Station

Posted on March 20, 2021
Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Singing, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

They’re Busy Being Cold and Hungry, Douche

Girl: How can homeless people even afford to ride the subway?
Guy: I wonder if they think of their MetroCard as a business investment.

–N train

Overheard by: Daniel Motta

Posted on March 9, 2021
Hobos, Intelligentsia, On the Subway, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Hobos