Jewish chick #1: … So basically what you’re saying is, you got drunk, went to his apartment, and he raped you?
Jewish chick #2: I guess, technically, yeah. But he was totally hot and his apartment was amazing, so whatever.
–H&M, Soho
Overheard by: lc
JAP #1: Oh my god, is that how you spell ‘quiche’? I always thought it was spelled K-E-E-S-H. That is a really weird spelling.
JAP #2: Yeah, that is a totally weird spelling.
JAP #1: And I’m usually such a good speller!
JAP #2: Yeah, you are totally such a good speller! … Have you ever seen Sixteen Candles?
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: unhipster
White guy: So, you are an artist now?
Weird-looking JAP: Yeah.
White guy: Weren’t you a musician just a month ago?
Weird-looking JAP: Yes.
White guy: What the fuck is going on?
Weird-looking JAP: I believe in this religion that asks me to experience my life with different professions.
White guy: So, what were you before you were a musician?
Weird-looking JAP: I was homeless.
–Houston & MacDougal
Overheard by: ting
JAP: I have nothing against Australians or anything — I even made out with a few the other night — but I am not going to Outback.
–Spring St
Overheard by: Jason
JAP on cell: And I was like, ‘Have you been in the new building yet?’ And he was like, ‘I know, it’s a maze.’ And I was like, ‘Oh my god, you Abreve, too?!’ And he was like, ‘Um, no… I mean, like, a… maze.’
–Bryant Park
JAP to chihuahua trying to pee on sidewalk: Focus! Focus!
–79th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lisa
20-something JAP on cell: Did you call Dr. Stein* for me? Why not?! … But I don’t want to call him! Why can’t you just call him for me? I’m not calling him! … But my asshole is still bleeding!
–Duane Reade, Chambers & Broadway
JAP on cell: So, I met up with him, and he asked me if I was anorexic! I was like, ‘No, but thanks for noticing!’ He got all mad, though. I think his sister died of anorexia or something. Whatever, at least I know I look great.
–88th & Park
Overheard by: Vicksburg
JAP: I almost pooped my pants.
Boy: When?
JAP: Just now.
–4 train, 59th & Lex
JAP #1: Besides, you can’t fit a pancake in a hole that size.
JAP #2: Well, what if Hillary runs for President?
JAP #1: Yeah, like a Nazi Feminista president can bend the laws of physics.
–53rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Matt Chancellor
Old JAP: Alan, I’m thinking about upgrading my phone. I hear good things about the Blackberry, but will that be compatible to send emails to my friends with Crackberries?
Alan: Ummm, I’m not going to bother explaining, but yes, they are compatible.
–Kosher pizza place
Overheard by: Shira
Snob on cell: Could you do me a huuuge favor? Could you go outside and tell me what series BMW I own?
–69th & Lex
Overheard by: Bitter
Woman to another: I admire her strength so much… I don’t know how she did it! She raised three kids all by herself! Of course, she had her husband, but he doesn’t count. She still managed to raise three kids without a nanny or housekeeper! Can you imagine?
–Lex, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Chantell
JAP: Do we have a reservation?
–Outside Dean & Deluca, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: The Decline of the West
Fussy rich girl picking up a 710-dollar Prada wallet: This would, like, so be a great trinket for Missy for Christmas.
–Saks, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Kerri.
JAP on cell: I don’t think you will like Daniel, but he is worth meeting because he is a billionaire.
–25th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: I’d like Daniel
Dude: Man, it was harder to cheat on that test than to just do it!
–23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Lisa
Girl on cell: Yo! I’m in class trying to act all straight, and it’s hard. No, I have a test right now. I took like four o’ that shit. I have to go, my professor’s here.
–John Jay College of Criminal Justice
Overheard by: hannah
JAP: Well, the professor hates me. He only thinks of me as the girl who leaves 20 minutes into his class, and I don’t know how to change it.
–Shun Lee Palace
Overheard by: colette
Student: Shit, my iPod is more important than my classes.
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Overheard by: Caitl
Hipster teen: He got rejected from community college? He must have written on his essay, ‘I want to prey on Bronx Science kids and mug them.’
–6 train, 68th St
Overheard by: glad they went to private school
Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody’s Jewish.
–Dobbin & Norman
Overheard by: Sam Tresler
Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you’re not Jewish, you’re, like… Jewish.
–Post-Yankees game on B train
Overheard by: Indiana
Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: X-tal
Lady suit: Are you saying you’d rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater?
–18th & 6th
Overheard by: emily
JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate!
–71st & Columbus
Overheard by: DebDan
Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there’s food around I have to eat it — even if I’m not hungry.
–Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Em
Queer: No, like, of course you’re not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: hilla
