Wednesday Hotliners

Fat girl at bar: Be hot, be educated, bend me over. That's all I want.

–Kenny's Castaways

Overheard by: Richard

Conductor (bitchily): Ladies and gentlemen, if you think the car you are in is too hot, feel free to get up and move!

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Teenage girl to friend: Yeah, right, like, "Hi, I took the school bus with you in elementary school. Now you're really hot." (both laugh)

–Hunter College High School

Overheard by: Rosebud

Man on phone: Hey man, she was hot. But listen, don't tell her I have a girlfriend, okay?

–5th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: i'm going to break it to her gently

Teenage girl on cell: Yes, I know you're not supposed to take pills from people you don't know, but he was so hot! And then I think I had sex with him.

–Chinatown Bus Station

Overheard by: Emily

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Chinatown, Conductors, Drugs, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Heat, Horny, Hunter, Infidelity, Kids, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Questions, Sex, Teens, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Lost Generation Of Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster kid: I should just stop wearing underwear altogether.

–Loews Cinema, 84th St

Hipster girl on cell: Is it "i before e" or "e before i"? "E before i," right? I knew it was "i before e"!

–11th & Ave A

Overheard by: Jerome

Drunk hipster girl to boyfriend: I can't afford to buy drugs, I have to buy lunch on Wednesday.

–A Train

Overheard by: Jesse Jack

Angry hipster girl: Why are there so many ATMs everywhere?!

–6th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Cash Money

Hipster girl, commenting on painting to friend: God, you see diamonds everywhere now. They're like the new antlers.

–Bushwick Art Loft

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hipsters, Kids, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

We're Not That French

Little boy, collapsing onto mother's lap: I am so hungover.
Mother: What?! No you're not! (to anyone within earshot) No, he's not.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Darcie

Posted on January 20, 2009
Airports, Drinking & Drunk People, JFK Airport, Kids, Moms, Should've Used a Condom

Hobo: Stupid Dogs Steal All the Glory

Man: That's why I make you guys take your shoes off when we get into the house. When I was a kid, people would make their dogs poop on the street, so you had to watch where you step when crossing the street. Now it's just everywhere, all over the sidewalks.
Kid: Ew!
Man: They outta call this “Park Poop” instead of Park Slope.
Kid: Poop Slope!
Man: Haha, yeah, Poop Slope! Whoa, did you see that? That was a big one, like from a Great Dane or something!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elaisted

Posted on January 17, 2009
Height, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Nicknames & name calling, Park Slope, Poop, Shoes

A Grateful City Applauds Your Decision, Ma'am

Woman on treadmill: I'm big on charity. But I only like giving money to kids that are messed up. You know, the ones who get in fights, skip school…
Man on treadmill: Mmmm. You know, the other kids that don't screw up are the ones who really deserve rewards.
Woman on treadmill, skeptically: Yeah. But I like kids that are messed up. That is why I don't ever want to have kids.

–Brooklyn Heights

Posted on January 15, 2009
Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Pregnancy & Birth Control, School and studying, Women

Nature: 2 Nurture: 0

Mother: We're getting off now if you can't behave.
Boy (screaming uncontrollably at other boy): I want Jessie! I want Jessie! I want Jessie! Jesssssssssie!

–M79 Bus

Overheard by: whothehellisjessie

Posted on January 15, 2009
Family Ties, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Should've Used a Condom

Wednesday One-Liners Say “Piss on It!”

Man exiting subway: No, thanks, I've had enough urine in my nose today.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Guy, infatuated with female friend: If I had a pool I'd let you pee in it.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Sturdy guy to chubby girls: We're men! We pee in the park!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: mmhmmm

Mad boyfriend beside girlfriend: No! No! No! I know how you are! I know how they are! All you have to do is pee and…

–Steinway St.

Overheard by: Dustin

Loud girl: Ugh, I wish I had a penis so I could pee on all ya asses.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Little boy to brother: I have all the power! Do not make me pee-pee on you again!

–Throop & Pulaski

Overheard by: Melissa Kairuz

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Brothers, Cleanliness, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Men, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queens, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

100% Edible Wednesday One-Liners

Short girl: Yo, Friday? I'm getting done. Done! Getting saucy. Saucy! With two double Es. "Sau-cee!" Like pasta! Nigga, I get buns!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ben B.

Office drone to coworker: So yeah, they have this like big place in the city. But they have a patio and a garden and they cook every single night. They cook on their patio! But not like my cooking. Not cereal. They make braised lamb.

–32nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Marie Z.

Teen on cell: Mmm, that peppercorn brandy sauce was gangster.

–72nd & Colombus

Overheard by: Lauren

Random dude: Maybe they'll let you put a biscuit on lay-away.

–KFC, 106th & Broadway

Guy on cell: So, I just need to get some toilet paper, tomato soup, and chain myself in the room for a while.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Brigdh

Eight-year-old kid to mother, referring to generic cereal: Yo, they've got bootleg Froot Loops!

–Target, Atlantic & Flatbush

Overheard by: Ravi

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Food, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Store, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?

–F Train

Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: loves it

Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.

–SoHo

Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.

–Broadway & 116th

Overheard by: Cousin Al

Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!

–Prep School Swimming Pool

Overheard by: I dream of Jean

Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.

–Fulton Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Relationships, School, Smegma, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses

Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.

–Q18 Bus

Posted on January 13, 2009
Body Parts, Death, Food, God, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Should've Used a Condom

Kids

Nature: 2 Nurture: 0

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses