Wednesday One-Linerzzzz….zzzzzz…zzz…zzzzz…

Petulant child: Speed walking is boring! I want to be myself!

–1st Ave & 5th St

Awkward teen boy to friend: It was really boring until I got laid.

–66th & Broadway

Chick on cell: How is pantylessness ever boring?

–113th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Young art history teacher: So basically, I like to lecture the whole first class and bore the hell out of them. That way, everything I say afterwards is interesting!

–74th & Madison

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Short girl to lab partner: Sometimes, when I’m bored, I become a tuning fork. (slowly hits herself on the head) Diiiing!

–Chemistry Lab, Stuyvesant High School

Posted on June 18, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Kids, On Cell, Sex, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

“Urban” Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Man, if you wanna get into heaven, you gotta talk to black people. They know where they at. Can’t get into heaven if you don’t talk to black people.

–Statue of Liberty

Bimbette on cell: So she is like pregnant? Like she is gonna have a baby? Hey, whatever happened to that black family?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bigg Rigg

NYU grad student: Bill Clinton isn’t black to me anymore.

–NYU

Black couple to group of white people: We’re black! We’re invisible!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: mada

White grandpa to white granddaughter in playground: Black kids have so much fun!

–Union Square Park

Posted on June 18, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bimbettes, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Hobos, Kids, NYU, Old People, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Statue of Liberty, Students, Washington Square Park, West Village, White People

Uncle Walter‘s Got Some Splainin’ to Do

Spastic little brother: NAMBLA?
Patient older brother: No.
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA.
Patient older brother: Stop it.
Spastic little brother: NAMBLA!

–22nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Flynn

Posted on June 16, 2008
Brothers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Guys, Kids, Offers and requests, Pedophilia, Weirdness, Words

Not Knowing CSI Has No Secret Agents

Kid #1, sharing iPod with kid #2: Hey, it’s the CSI song!
Kid #2: (laughs) Yeah.
Kid #1: It’s like we’re secret agents!
Kid #2: (laughs) No.
Kid #1: Yeah! It is.
Kid #2: No… It’s like, we’re stoners on the subway listening to The Who.

–F Train

Posted on June 16, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Kids, Music, On the Subway, TV, Weed

From That Day Forward, Billy Never Spoke During Sack Races

Little boy: Is it garbage or is it presents? Is it garbage or is it presents?
Mom: If you aren’t quiet, whatever is in the bags now will be garbage.
Little boy: [Silence.]Mom: Uh huh… That’s called logic.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Posted on June 14, 2008
Boys, Default, Education, Gifts, Kids, Moms, Questions, Words

But Not As Much As Its Bastard Cousin, The Foreseeable Future

Mother pleading with squirmy four-year-old son in tight jacket: Just keep it on for the time being.
Son: I hate the time being.

–Christmas Mass, St Patrick’s

Posted on June 13, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Upper East Side, Words

Not Without Wearing a Pink Ribbon!

Little boy: Mommy, can’t you just walk off breast cancer?
Mom, screaming: No!

–Houston & Broadway

Posted on June 12, 2008
Boys, Cancer, Default, Kids, Moms, Questions

Great Wednesday One-Liners…. For Me to Poop On!

Five-year-old girl in the men’s bathroom: Hey everybody! Look! I have fat poopies!

–New Dance Group, West 38th St

Random chick: She’s gonna be all over me for shitting today.

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Girl: I so should have taken a dump in that toilet!

–14th & 4th

High school boy: I literally walked in the bathroom and saw like, someone took a dump on the floor; and it was more than one person! And I was just like, wow, is this a new trend or something?

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: Caro-kun

18-year-old CPR/AED instructor on using a defibrillator: …if you’re touching the person when you administer the shock, it won’t kill you, but you might poo a little.

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Chick: Welp, I am ready to have diarrhea now!

–2nd Ave & 11th

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Etiquette, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Library, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Poop, Queens, School, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

What Did I Say About Talking Like That When We’re Off Staten Island?

Mom to four-year-old being picked on by brother: Tell him to leave you alone.
Four-year-old: Leave me the fuck ‘lone!
Mom: Hey! Watch your mouth.
Four-year-old: I’m gonna fuck ‘im up.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: ryn

Posted on June 7, 2008
Advice, Boys, Brothers, Default, Etiquette, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Staten Island Ferry, Weirdness, Words

I Fear You May Not Be Ready for Staten Island

Little kid: Mommy, what is that smell?
Mom: Yes, dear. There are all kinds of smells in NYC! Is the smell bad!?
Little kid: Yes!

–51st St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Mena Mansour

Posted on June 5, 2008
Default, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

Kids

Uncle Walter‘s Got Some Splainin’ to Do