Lower East Side

I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd

Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–outside The Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped.

–Vertigo, 26th & 3rd

Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella.

–Delancey & Allen

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Got any Doritos?

Barista girl: Here’s your cappuccino.
Customer girl: I asked for a cafe au lait.
Barista girl: No, you said ‘cappuccino.’
Costumer girl: No, I said ‘cafe au lait’
Barista girl: Oh, You’re right. I’m probably just out of it.
Barista girl to coworker: I’m sorry, I’m high.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: Aryn

These People Really Do Exist in New York…

A fat Italian “businessman” in a Members Only jacket is standing on the corner talking to 2 other fat Italian guys. An SUV drives by, honks the horn twice, and then speeds off. The “businessman” turns around quickly and loudly yells: Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Fuckin’ faggot.

–LES

..Now Swallow This Roofie Like a Lady

Disgusted girl to friend: Are you drinking Jägermeister and Red Bull?
Friend: Hell yeah!
Disgusted girl to friend: Don't say it like you are proud!

–Skinny Bar, Lower East Side

She Listens to Foreigner Backwards

Old woman: “Free“? Nothing’s free around here! That’s what’s wrong with you immigrants, always looking for something for free!
Businessman lady: I said “sweet”, not “free”.
Old woman: I know what you meant!

–Zeytuna, William & Maiden Lane

That’s What You Get For Leaving Your Hotel Room

Tourist lady, excitedly: I just met my first rude person in this city!

–Serendipity, E 60th St

Visit Historic Gotham

New Yorker: There’s the Brooklyn Bridge over there. You can walk over it.
Tourist: Really?
New Yorker: Yep.
Tourist: And is this City Hall?
New Yorker: Yes. I don’t know this area very well…there’s Starbucks!

–City Hall Park

It Doesn’t Listen to Him Anymore

Guy: Haven’t seen you in a while.
Barber: Yeah, I was having a problem with my tonsils. I was sick
for about 3 weeks.
Guy: You gonna have them out?
Barber: Probably. I should, but I’m chicken. But I probably gotta.
Guy: I got this friend who went to the doctor, right? And the doctor said he hadda go get a colonoscopy. You shoulda seen his face! He didn’t go.
Barber: You gotta do it, though, before things get worse.
Guy: Yeah, I think his colon did get worse.

–Manhattan Unisex, Allen Street

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda

The dirtiest song ever

Female Hipster, singing: Boom boom boom, let’s go back to my room…
Male Hipster: I remember when that song came out–that was the dirtiest song imaginable!

— Lolita

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