Woman #1, washing her hands: So I went to see Cirque du Soleil the other night.
Woman #2, in a stall: Really?
Woman #1: And this guy is doing this whole routine with chairs. He just had a whole mess of chairs, and he was balancing them on each other, and he was sometimes balancing on them too.
Woman #2: Ok…
Woman #1: And it made me realize, I really appreciate chairs. I just fucking hate Cirque du Soleil.
–Ladies' Room, Bowery Poetry Club
Overheard by: also a fan
Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!
–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St
Overheard by: gothchick
Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!
–Ludow & Stanton
Overheard by: M & J
Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!
–14th St & 1st Ave
Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.
–W 110th St
Overheard by: Ashley
Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Girl #1: I want to go home with that guy. Do you have a razor?
Girl #2: No, sorry, why?
Girl #1: My coochie looks like a dead raccoon.
–Fat Baby Club, Lower East Side
Girlfriend: I just don’t know what else I’d do for a career. I don’t know how to do anything else.
Boyfriend: That’s silly. You’d be a great secretary!
Boyfriend: What? I mean like a high powered executive secretary.
–1st & 1st
Guy: This song Ring of Fire is about Johnny Cash falling in love with June Carter.
Girl: Really? I thought it was about a rimjob.
–Pink Pony, Ludlow Street
Overheard by: Michael Roche
20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight.
–Bowery
Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor
20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers?
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation
Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant.
–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ashley
Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this!
–Columbus Circle
Woman on cell: I can't come. I'm in the Poconos right now.
–Rite Aid, The Bronx
Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walking around in the neighborhood… Yeah, we're at the Time Warner center right now. No! No, of course I'm not on St. Mark's. No. I'd never go there. Of course I'm sober! Why wouldn't I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!
–St. Mark's Place
Russian guy on phone (in Russian): Yeah, I'm on Avenue M. I just got off, I'll be there in a few.
–Q Train, Kings Highway
Overheard by: Robert
Dude on cell: Yo! What's up? I'm waiting at LaGuardia.
–Martin Luther King High School
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm on Long Island right now. I'll be here for a little while.
–Park Slope
Female suit on phone: I have to cancel dinner tonight, I had that meeting I told you about, remember? And I'm still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Jersey still.
–Washington Square Park
Woman on cell outside a pub: Honey? It's mommy. We're still at the hospital. I don't know, we could still be here for hours.
–1st & 72nd
Overheard by: Well, there were hospitals nearby, at least
Hipster #1: I love it when my nose starts bleeding all over the fucking place. That just makes my day.
Hipster #2: Yeah, that’s good times.
Hispter #1: I should probably quit doing coke.
Hipster #2: Yeah, probably.
–Starbucks, Delancey & Allen
Overheard by: not a hipster, I swear
Guy: So, what did she say about it?
Woman: Well, I was fucking her in the ass when I said it.
–4th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jason Hanrahan
Yuppie: I myself don’t watch porn, but I am told by trustworthy sources that at least two-thirds of all pornographic movies have no artistic value.
— Lower East Side
