Homeland security cop #1: Bleah! Bleah! Bleah!
He leans over and pretends to vomit in the gutter. Homeland security cop #2 laughs.
Homeland security cop #1, laughing: That was great! Punch me again!
–Federal Plaza, Duane & Broadway
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Suit #1: Why wasn’t Andrew at the office?
Suit #2: He took a blow-job day.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: someone in the wrong line of work
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
–1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!
–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
–Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.
–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
Construction worker #1: Damn, look at that piece of ass!
Construction worker #2: Those are like National Geographic boobies!
–9th & Broadway
Overheard by: Joe
Woman: My name is Mrs. Williams*, and I am selling stuffed animals for the Happy Family organization. We believe in the sanctity of family and abstinence before marriage.
Queer: You’re talking to the wrong people.
Woman: Oh, you’re college students. I thought you were a Christian youth group or something.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Brian R
Girl: Paris Hilton has a fragrance?! What’s it supposed to smell like, unwashed crotch?
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Rainey
Med student #1: Some people say that The Passion of The Christ doesn’t follow the book.
Med student #2: What book?
–122nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Khalilah
Guy on phone: It’s funny. As a kid, all I wanted was to live on the Upper West Side. And now I’m leaving it to move to Brooklyn.
Passerby: As a kid, you were an idiot.
–83rd & Columbus
Overheard by: Jonas
Guy: Yo, Katie, why do you always gotta look at me like I just looked at your ass or somethin’?
Katie: Well, because most of the time you usually are!
–Cheap Shots, 1st Ave between 9th & St.Mark’s
Overheard by:
Little boy, to passerby: That’s why I ejaculated in your mom’s nose!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Chick: See, I don’t like the idea of drinking semen not directly from the cock.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
