Dude: Yeah, I put Tiger Balm on my testicles and it felt like a million breathing elves.
Chick: Oooh, minty! That must have been nice.
Dude: Oh, no — like fire-breathing elves.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Pengasaurus X
Dude: Yeah, I put Tiger Balm on my testicles and it felt like a million breathing elves.
Chick: Oooh, minty! That must have been nice.
Dude: Oh, no — like fire-breathing elves.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Pengasaurus X
Investment banker lady: He needs some hobbies besides painkillers.
–45th & Park
Overheard by: triSarahtops
Queer: Who needs a boyfriend when you have OxyContin?
–4th St & Ave C
Overheard by: Kenney Matthews
Excited chick on cell: Oh my god, and my mom said for my birthday she is gonna get me these pills!
–79th & Amsterdam
Middle-aged man: That is why I have been taking my father’s pills.
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Coffeeshopgoth
NYU girl to another: If your dad didn’t want to go on anti-depressants before, he’s gonna want to now!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Sarah
Philosophy professor: So, let’s just say one time I was on… prescription medication.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Raquel
White guy: Well, this is her third. The first two she miscarried.
Black guy: Aw, man.
White guy: All of them were shake ‘n’ bake.
Black guy: What?
White guy: Yeah, he shakes and she bakes. It’s like 10 grand a shake, too.
Black guy: I heard 25.
–JFK airport
Overheard by: Deeznuts
Chick #1: Yeah, I was hoping to get all these painkillers by Thursday because I have to go home to see my mom in a play.
Chick #2: Can’t you just get them when you get back?
Chick #1: Yeah, no… My mother is starring in The Vagina Monologues.
Chick #2: Ouch.
Chick #1: See, that was my first thought.
–Goodbye Blue Monday, Bushwick
Overheard by: Sarah
Woman on cell: Well, we have a large problem — his thing is very small…
–Outside Papaya Dog, W 4th
Overheard by: notrob
Professor: So, you have all seen large penises and small penises, but you never see a fatty penis! [Class laughs.] Is that a ‘Yes, that is true’ laugh, or what?
–Columbia University Med Center
Female theater-goer: His penis would have been normal-sized if he was five-foot-six. As it was, everything was out of proportion.
–Golden Theater
Overheard by: Colleen
Drunk man with imaginary cup: Excuse me, sorry for doing this — I’m not shy, I just have a small penis, and I’d really appreciate some money for a penis enlargement surgery. And if not money, then a sandwich. A BLT or a larger cock. Thank you. I just want a larger cock.
–2 train
Overheard by: Man with the big penis
40-something preggers: So my mother insisted on coming into the room when I had my last pelvic exam.
Other patient: Seriously?
40-something preggers: What’s worse is that she was standing near the doctor while he was doing the exam. She was watching.
Other patient: What? No way!
40-something preggers: Then she said to the doctor, ‘Can I hold something for you?’
–Gynecologist’s office, Manhattan
Singing hobo: I’m gonna praise Him! I’m gonna thank Him in His naaaame!
Dude #1 gives the hobo a dollar.
Singing hobo: Thank you. God bless you.
Dude #2: Dude, my balls still hurt.
Dude #1: Did you take anything?
–Northbound N
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Girl: I can’t go to the bathroom, I can’t eat grapes, I… I’ll be in a bubble!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Hipster girl, emerging from Port-a-Potty: Hey, guys, you have to feel this toilet paper! It’s like silk!… I know, I’m a weirdo.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Roz
Suit: I swear to God, it came out sideways. It hurt coming out, then I got up and looked at it, and it was floating sideways.
–Manhattan bound J train
Overheard by: Barry P.
Voice from bathroom stall: Yes!
–Women’s bathroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: acep
Girl, to friend washing her hands: Come on, let’s just go. There are more germs on the sink than on the toilet.
–Restroom, Grand Central Station
Woman, walking out of stall: Left you something!
–Restroom, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Guy: When I clenched my jaw really hard while I was trying to poop, I think I chipped a tooth.
–14th & 3rd
Guy #1: Whatever happened to good old-fashioned rape?
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Well, nowadays you hear about girls being drugged with, like, military sedatives.
–Fordham University, the Bronx
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Woman on cell: They just did an autopsy on my mother…What?…Yeah…Autopsy…No, she didn’t fuckin’ die, you asshole. An autopsy! Yeah! On my mother! It’s benign…Okay, listen, man, next time I’m watching CSI, you need to shut the fuck up and watch with me. You can learn shit on there!
–Elevator, Columbia Medical Center
