Men

The Girly Bits Of Wednesday One-Liners

Young man in small crowd: Honestly, the vaginas I’ve seen in real life are nowhere near as bad as the vaginas I’ve seen in med school.

–86th & Columbus

Overheard by: Stacey

Girl: I feel like the male anatomy is so much more straightforward. The vag is hard to master.

–Fordham University

20-something girl: If he’s gonna be such a whiny vagina about you being safe about your vagina, then you shouldn’t be sleeping with him anyways.

–NYU Dorm

Teenage boy, eating a sandwich: He said no mayonnaise. It tastes like a big vagina.

–63rd Drive & Queens Boulevard

Hobo: And then the woman just sucked it all into her vagina.

–44th & 7th

Overheard by: The One

Frantic Asian guy, running across the street in front of Worldwide Plaza: Yeah… Yeah… But whose vagina?"

–9th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: tinyfoo

I’ve Memorized All of Chewbacca’s Dialogue

Man in kilt #1: It was very strange.
Man in kilt #2: Yah! He came up to me and went rawwwrrr just like Chewbacca in the third Star Wars.
Man in kilt #1: What’s Star Wars?

–43rd & 7th

Overheard by: Laughs at Kilts

And You Should Know You’re Not Skinny

Man: Skinny bitch.
Employee: Excuse me??
Man: Skinny bitch.
Employee: Um, if you’re looking for the book, you should ask at the information desk.
[Man walks in opposite direction.]Employee: Next time, you might want to preface that one…
Man, interrupting: I don’t have time to stand around and have a conversation about it.

–Strand Bookstore

For $1000, You Can Barely Get an Inflatable Woman

Wife: She called up the radio and guessed the right song, and they give her a thousand dollars.
Husband: Mmm… [Shakes head.] If I ever win $1,000 I’m gonna buy me a good woman.
Wife: Excuse me? You got yourself a good woman right here. You ever do that, she take the money and leave yo ass, nigga.

–Virgin Records

Overheard by: Maria

They Deserve a Tony for Best Supporting Limbs

Broadway man: I thought she acted well.
Broadway woman: She had great thighs, too.

–E 49th & 7th

Overheard by: I thought so too

Like I Haven’t Trained It to Strike to Kill?

Man pushing a child in a stroller to old woman walking slowly: Get out of the way!
[Shoves her out of the way, runs across the street frantically pushing the stroller.]Old woman: Next time I’ll kill your baby!

–Christopher & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Randy & Jen

Before He Finds Out We’re West Coast Rappers

Man giving out rap CDs: Yo! Check out my new CD, it’s only five dollars.
White man: Thanks, but we do not like rap.
Man giving out rap CDs: What are you, racist?
Man’s wife: Honey, I think we should go now.

–Times Square

Unless You Plan to Back It Up with Action

Man: What’d you think?
Woman: Just another story about how guys can’t keep their golden horns in their pants.
Man: We can’t help it if our golden horns start to glow whenever we get near a vagina cave.
Woman: Don’t ever let me hear you say that again.

–Leaving IMAX Theatre After Beowulf, Lincoln Sqaure

Overheard by: The Professor

Just Don’t Try to Stop the Train With Your Feet, Okay?

Female conductor: Do we have a line-up, partner?
Male conductor: Yabba dabba dooooooo!

–Manhattan Bound E Train

Overheard by: I Am McLoVey

Wednesday One-Liner’s Burden

Jamaican man on cell: First there is the white people, then comes the animals, then comes me!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Cog-in-the-wheel

White hipster: Don’t let the white man bring you down!

–N. 6th & Bedford Ave

Black man, yelling at UGG-wearing Fordham student passing by: White girls get loving, too. But, not with those boots!

–E. Fordham Rd & Bathgate Ave

Guy with rosary: Yo, that girl used to be so bad. Now she’s hanging out with white people and playing croquet. Or whatever that shit is.

–North Woods, Central Park

Cute black girl: Damn! White girls be steppin’ it up! They got booties now and everything!

–106th & Broadway

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