Moms

Hobo, yelling to crowd: The stimulus plan won't work! The banks have no money! We need to stimulate the banks! You know how? Cocaine and hookers!

–53rd st & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Andrew

Professor: I knew the economy was bad when I saw Saks had layaway. Layaway is for Wal-Mart, not Saks!

–NYU Law

Guy on phone with mother: No, mom! I'm not going to walk on Wall St today. (pause) Because I don't feel like getting hit by a falling body, that's why.

–Broadway & John St

Asian metrosexual to friend entering clothing store: No, I wanna stimulate the economy!

–SoHo

Overheard by: Galatea

Cute young professional: I better be able to go into a bar and say, "I have a job, and it's recession proof. Wanna see what my bed and a Magnum condom look like?"

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Lindsay D.

Guy on cell: I'm telling you, when a place like that switches from Charmin to Duane Reade toilet paper, you know the economy is in the shitter.

–Great Jones & Broadway

Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.

–8th Ave & Carroll St

Mom to nine-year-old son: Do you want anything?
Kid, looking at variety of candy: Mmmmmm, let me see, something no one will like, so I don't get bullied for it at school.

–Deli, Hicks St & Kane, Brooklyn

(conductor closes subway doors on relatively empty train, preventing a throng of people from boarding)
3-year-old girl: Mommy, why did he do that?
Mother: Because he's mean!

–1 Train

Overheard by: M

Mother to yelling six-year-old son: Alright, that's it. You are not getting a gold star today.
Six-year-old son: I know, I've been bad all day!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: me too!

20-something daughter: Mom, how did you know that dad was the one?
Mom: He was the only one I didn't cheat on.

–LIRR, Penn Station

Barista: Basically someone bought a coffee Friday, came back Monday and said it's cold. Um, yeah. It's three days later.

–Starbucks, Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, walking out of Starbucks empty-handed: Well, at least now we know where we can get coffee. You know, in the morning?

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: David Landfair

NYU student to coffee cart man: Can I get a venti-large coffee?

–Greene St & Washington Place, The Village

Overheard by: Jane

Male coworker: I was just going to turn water into coffee, like they do in the bible.

–Broadway

Hyper five-year-old to mom: Hey look, Starbucks. Let's go to Starbucks. Starbucks! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Juxie

Mother to hysterical baby in stroller: What do you want, huh? Coffee and a cigarette?

–Outside Bloomingdale's

Overheard by: kteezy

Three-year-old boy to mom: Mom, I think I'm deaf.
Mom: What's that, honey?
Three-year-old boy: I'm deaf.
Mom: “Deaf” means you can't hear.
Three-year-old boy: Oh.

–Smith & Bergan, Brooklyn

Overheard by: makoshark

Little boy, pointing at a subway: Mom, what's this?
Mom: A subway.
Little boy: What does it do?
Mom: It gives you a hard landing space if you trip down the steps.

–Wall Street

Mother: What's your favorite vegetable?
Six-year-old daughter: I love grilled asparagus with olive oil.

–Central Park West & 80th St

Overheard by: Not a yuppie