Moms

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam

I Thought “Twat” Was the Past Tense Of “Twit”

Girl to mother: Twat!
Mother: You mean “twit”.
Girl: No, I mean “twat”.
Mother: Honey, a twat is a woman's vagina.
Girl: Get out.

–28th & 7th

Don't Forget to Wipe Your Blow-Hole

Mother: Honey, are you done going potty?
Three-year-old daughter: Meeeeahh oooh gruuuu.
Mother: Are you speaking whale again?

–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

Overheard by: mmk

The Fun One

Little girl reading bar sign: Mom, what's a Stumble Inn?
Mom: It's a restaurant.
Little girl: Is it like Stumbelina?
Dad: Yeah, Thumbelina's drunk sister.

–2nd Ave & 76th St

When Woodsy Owl Drinks

Little boy in bathroom stall: Knock knock.
Mom in bathroom stall: Who's there?
Little boy in bathroom stall: I pooped in my pants!

–Ellen's Stardust Diner, Times Square

No More Johnny Depp Movies for You, Missy.

Mom to overactive five-year-old: No, they can't put chocolate sprinkles on yo' taco!
Overactive five-year-old, singing: Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing! Chocolate, chocolate, what a wonderful thing!

–Long Island City

Overheard by: astoria mets fan

The Make-a-Wednesday-One-Liner Foundation

Lady on phone: Well, I wish I could get the fat removed from my back but we can't all get what we want, can we?

–Target

10-year-old child with mother and younger siblings: I wish I could get a diaper…

–K-Mart, Astor Place

Random smoking kid: I really wish I could smoke out of my ass.

–Lincoln Center

Girl crossing the street: I really wish something would hit me…I need some money.

–Times Square

Overheard by: 3 day tourist

Girl, after receiving gift: This is…this is so great! I'm so happy! Oh, man! I…I wish you had a little penis so I could give it a rub right now!

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

You've Got Some Set Of Wednesday One-Liners on You, Buddy!

Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls.

–92nd & Lexington

Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here.

–Uptown 4 Train

20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister

Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones…

–Target, Queens

Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands)

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Possibly a Rudeceratops

Little kid, after passenger belches: Mommy, is that man a new dinosaur species? He sounds like it.
Mom: No, he's just rude.
(subway doors open and the passenger departs)
Little kid, yelling from the door: New species! New species!

–R Line

Obama Could Be the Name Of Our Llama

Woman to kid holding a “free hugs” sign: Hey! Where's my hug?
(kid hugs woman)
Drunk chick: There's so much fucking love, we should just buy a llama and it'll be like our llama, you know?

–W 4th St

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist