100% Edible Wednesday One-Liners

Short girl: Yo, Friday? I'm getting done. Done! Getting saucy. Saucy! With two double Es. "Sau-cee!" Like pasta! Nigga, I get buns!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ben B.

Office drone to coworker: So yeah, they have this like big place in the city. But they have a patio and a garden and they cook every single night. They cook on their patio! But not like my cooking. Not cereal. They make braised lamb.

–32nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Marie Z.

Teen on cell: Mmm, that peppercorn brandy sauce was gangster.

–72nd & Colombus

Overheard by: Lauren

Random dude: Maybe they'll let you put a biscuit on lay-away.

–KFC, 106th & Broadway

Guy on cell: So, I just need to get some toilet paper, tomato soup, and chain myself in the room for a while.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Brigdh

Eight-year-old kid to mother, referring to generic cereal: Yo, they've got bootleg Froot Loops!

–Target, Atlantic & Flatbush

Overheard by: Ravi

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Food, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Store, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?

–F Train

Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: loves it

Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.

–SoHo

Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.

–Broadway & 116th

Overheard by: Cousin Al

Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!

–Prep School Swimming Pool

Overheard by: I dream of Jean

Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.

–Fulton Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Relationships, School, Smegma, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses

Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.

–Q18 Bus

Posted on January 13, 2009
Body Parts, Death, Food, God, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Should've Used a Condom

Fox Cancelled Lush Life After Four Episodes

Mom: Where do you want to eat honey?
Six-year-old daughter: Not a bar!

–West Village

Overheard by: Aidan

Posted on January 11, 2009
Food, Kids, Moms, Questions, West Village

Sounds Like a Pyramid Scheme

Yuppie mom #1: It's very blocks focused.
Yuppie mom #2: Blocks?
Yuppie mom #1: Yes, it's a very progressive school. They do very perverse things with the blocks.
Yuppie mom #2: Um, I don't think I understand.
Yuppie mom #1: You know, they use the blocks in literature, in math…if they want to play kitchen, they have to build the kitchen first. It's very progressive.

–12th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on January 11, 2009
Education, Kids, Moms, School and studying, West Village, Yuppies

Mom Refuses to Accept New York on Its Own Terms

Excited young girl pointing at subway sign: That says “subway”!
Mother, dismissively: No, it doesn't.

–Union Square

Posted on January 9, 2009
Family Ties, Girls, Moms, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

You've Never Heard Of the Pillsbury Doughboy?

Mother: He doesn't have any bones in his legs.
Teenage daughter: Nuh-uh! What does he do?
Mother: He goes all around the world, spreading joy to everyone.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on January 8, 2009
Body Parts, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Questions, Teens, Weirdness

Um, That's Elizabeth Taylor

Kid at SantaCon : Mom, what kind of Santa is that?
Mom: Well honey, it looks like a furry snow disco Elvis Santa.

–Madison & 35th

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on January 8, 2009
Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Questions, Weirdness

Holy Wednesday One-Liners, Batman!

Agitated man: God gave you a penis and a road map to the world! You don't need maps!

–Washington Square & University Place

Tween: God wants me to get drunk tonight!

–3rd & Mercer

Four-year-old child to mother: Mommy! We have to go to church on Sunday. God is going to repent us on Sunday!

–R Train

Overheard by: Marie

Hobo: And then I fucked god!

–Heckscher Playground, Central Park

Overheard by: Shiki

Jewish girl to friend: Oy! My bagel looks like god jerked off on it.

–Guy & Gallards, 34th & Lexington

Overheard by: Awkwardly eating his breakfast

Drunk girl to drunk friend crying on her coat: It's always so hard when you lose your soulmate in the bathroom line, but it's like, god works in mysterious ways, you know.

–W Train

Overheard by: Wes

Posted on January 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Church, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, God, Hobos, Jews, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Masturbation, Men, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wait– Didn't You Give Your Mom Hoop Earrings for Christmas?

Girl, telling joke: A seven-year-old daughter said to her mother: “Today in school I learned where babies come from.”
Mother: Oh, really?
Daughter: Yea, a mommy and daddy take off all their clothes, the mommy makes the dad happy and his thingy stands up a little. Then the mommy puts the thingy in her mouth and the thingy stands up all the way and explodes, and that's where babies come from.
Mother: No, honey, that's where jewelry comes from.
(laughs)
Guy listening, with horrified face: Wait a second, my mom has a shitload of jewelry. Oh, goddammit, eewwwwwwwwwwwww!
Girl: I'm never going to look at your mom the same way ever again.

–Arthur Avenue

Overheard by: Reza Daneshvar

Posted on January 6, 2009
BJs, Cum, Families, Family Ties, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Penis, School and studying, Sex, The Bronx, Weirdness

Moms

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses