Music

A buppie is parking his BMW, blasting a ’50s rock ‘n roll tune out the window.

Thug: Why a nigga wanna be listenin’ to that shit?

–Brooklyn Heights

Hipster chick: What are you listening to?
Friend: Sarah McLachlan. Are you mad? Sometimes I listen to Jewel too.

–4 Train

Blind panhandler, singing: Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found, was blind but now I see… If you want my body and you think I’m sexy, come on, honey, let me know…

–N train

Overheard by: Dan McInerney

Hispanic man singing loudly to tune of ‘Yellow Submarine’: We all live in your mother’s dungarees, your mother’s dungarees, your mother’s dungarees…

–35th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: CCF

Hobo singing to himself: I want to eat pussy, I want to eat pussy.

–Hudson & Christopher

Overheard by: Someone in a Tree

Street corner freestyler: You can’t send me back like Elian, what the hellian?

–Washington Square

Four-year-old, singing: We in the bed like, ‘Oooh, oooh, oooh, like oooh, oooh, oooh!’

–1 train, 116th St stop

Conductor, rapping: If you hold the doors while the train’s in the station, we will be delayed getting to our destination, and you will find yourself in a situation.

–A train

Overheard by: Ladle

LL Cool J walks by gaggle of middle-aged black ladies, smiling as he passes.

Ladies: Oh my god, oh my god, that’s LL!
Black woman to white woman: You people don’t understand — that was like you white folks seeing Dr. Phil!

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: Swanny

Lady: Oh my god, I’ve heard this song before!
Patron: It’s all ABBA music, jackass.

Mamma Mia, Winter Garden Theatre

Overheard by: Todd

Chick to guys loudly singing ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ : That song can’t turn you gay!

–Village Halloween Parade

Overheard by: That eavesdropper over there

Chick in stall: Would you ever eat cereal out of my mouth?
Friend in next stall: Well, if I had that background music… Yeah, sure.

–Bathroom, Joe’s Pub

[“Umbrella” by rihanna is being loudly played.]Stoned gay guy: Oh my god, I love this song. This is totally what you hear before you start shooting kids in the projects.
Gay guy: Uh, excuse me?
Stoned gay guy: Yeah. You know, it’s like your pump-up jam.

–E 10th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Dying of laughter

Gleeful little boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts into giggles.]

–1 train

Overheard by: caitlinj

Guy: I mean, I wasn’t expecting being fucked, either!

–55th & 8th

Overheard by: Mariah

Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.

–Forest Hills

Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, buddy! Don’t fucking push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!

–1 train

Overheard by: wba

Hispanic lady with stroller, on cell: Mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Fuckin’ asshole [Spanish]… Son of a [Spanish]… Fuckin’ mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Bunny rabbit [Spanish]… Fuck.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N (doesn’t speak Spanish)

White guy #1: I was listening to Celia Cruz.
Spanish guy: Yeah, I've been to Santa Cruz.
White guy #2: What? Santa Claus?

–48th & 6th