Don’t Get Your Wednesday One-Liners in a Bunch

Young lawyer: My little boy finally made the transition from diapers to "big boy" underwear. On his first day back to pre-school he dropped his trousers and showed the whole class his lightning McQueens.
Young lawyer: … And it created a domino effect of three-year-olds showing their undies.

–6 Train

Overheard by: POLA

Chick on cell: Better underwear than meth!

–Harlem

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boyfriend to girlfriend looking at lingerie in window: It’s kind of cold for that.

–University & 9th

Overheard by: Mary Crippen

Skank: So I’m thinking "Now I’ve got to get rid of those panties!"

–54th & 9th

Overheard by: thats gross

Earnest teen chick, calling to retreating waitress: Do you sell thongs? I’m serious, I really need them!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: Amanda

Man getting into elevator: … And she was all like "Hi, whatchu doin’?" And I was like "Whaaaat?" I didn’t know what to say, she was all over me, I could see her panties. [Everyone in elevator looks at him and laughs a little.] I mean, come on, we’re all adults in here. What was I supposed to do? Smile? Say "Hi" back?

–Elevator, Empire State Building

Posted on May 7, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Elevators, Empire State Building, Etiquette, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hootchies, Kids, Lawyers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Weather, Wishes & desires

They Were a Little Down Around the Holidays, But Isn’t Everyone?

Conductor #1 on intercom: My pants are down. Are your pants down?
Conductor #2: No, my pants are good.

–Metro North

Overheard by: jessie

Posted on April 17, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Coworkers, Etiquette, Nudity, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Why Is It “Obvious” That He Was Wearing Pants?

Girl #1: I got completely wasted last night. I woke up outside my friend’s bathroom with my pants off, credit cards all over the floor. But here’s the thing -my top was on.
Girl #2: WTF?… What did you do?
Girl #1: I’m not sure…I don’t really remember. The last thing I remember is rubbing my face in some guy’s crotch with people in the room. Oh, he had his pants on, obviously.
Girl #2: You’re such a slut.
Girl #1: I know right. Anyway, my friend woke me up, telling me that I was going to miss the fung wah.
Girl #2, puzzled: Where were you going?
Girl #1: Boston.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’m really not sure.

–C Train

Overheard by: Noah Tizzle

Posted on April 8, 2008
Bimbettes, Celebrations/Parties, Clothing, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Nudity, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Travel, U.S. Geography

Also, Stop Calling Yourself ‘Some 14 Year-Old’

Teen girl: So I found a picture of him on facebook, half-naked, being straddled by some fourteen-year-old with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand. I swear, my brother has all of my precocity, but none of my charm.
Older guy: Oh yeah, and none of your humility either.

–96th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: kids these days…

Posted on April 6, 2008
Age/Aging, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Facebook, Girls, Guys, Nudity, Pictures, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Could You Explain Again about the Timing of the Naked Break Dancing?

Bride: You are to behave like ladies.
Six-year-old #1: Can we take off our shoes?
Bride: Ladies take their shoes off after the ceremony.
Six-year-old #2: Can we run around?
Bride: After the ceremony, you can take off all your clothes and go nuts all night. I’ll be married. I won’t care.
Maid of Honor: But not until after the ceremony!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Reverend Ryan

Posted on March 13, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Default, Kids, Nudity, Staten Island, Time, Women

It Had Boobs Painted on It

Woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Older man: Your face looks familiar…
Woman: You saw me running down the street naked last weekend.
Older man: Why would I remember your face, then?

–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: Lauren

Posted on February 22, 2008
Astoria, Comebacks, Default, Men, Nudity, Old People, Women

Grandma, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother’s ba-donka-donk!

–6th & 2nd

Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning… Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I’m really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: dobby

Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I’m not at a mall, I’m on the street… No, I don’t see anything she’d like, unless… Do you think Grandma wants a bong?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Heather

Dude to hot chick: I’d rather have sex with you than my grandma.

–1 train

Overheard by: bldlube

Guy on cell: So then he’s like, ‘Dude, are you in prison again?’ And I was like, ‘No, dude, I’m talking to you online. How could I be in prison?’ And he was like, ‘There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.’ And I was like, ‘Dude, I’m at my grandma’s house. We’re having tea and shit.’

–E 14th St & Irving

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, College, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Incest, Internet, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, Prison, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Words

I Put Them on My Hands Like Puppets and Pretended They Were Moaning

Girl #1: When Jeff ate me out, all I was wearing were my socks.
Girl #2: That’s sad…

–J train

Overheard by: Mona

Posted on February 5, 2008
Eating Out, Girls, Nudity, On the Subway

Aw, Fuck This — Let’s Just Play Strip Candyland Like Usual

Nine-year-old boy: Would you rather be naked in public or in front of a hundred boys? Including me…
Nine-year-old girl: A hundred boys. Would you rather be naked in front of this whole bus or just this back half?
Nine-year-old boy: Just the back half… Wait… You’re in the back half, right?

–M79 crosstown bus, Central Park

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on January 25, 2008
Kids, Nudity, On the Bus, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Feel a Draft

Sorostitute: Everyone has to be naked!

–Wagner College

Overheard by: Heather

Middle-aged lady with hubby, pointing to young band member: Hi! Since we’ve seen you naked on your website, we feel like we already know you!

–Party, LES

Overheard by: Tom

One maintenance worker to another: Look, man, you don’t have to strip if you don’t want to.

–112th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: ColumbiaBrain

Chick: … But she didn’t want to get naked in front of her pet monkey…

–Lucky Cheng’s

Overheard by: ein ladle

Dude: When I got back into the room, he was naked and I was like, ‘What the fuck?!’ I asked him why he was and he said he thought we were gonna do chemistry homework!

–Times Square

Girl: … But is it worth taking off my clothes again?

–Beacon’s Closet dressing room

Overheard by: jayloo

Posted on January 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Nudity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Nudity