Druggie #1: No. Technically, if you don't have anything on you, they can't arrest you.
Druggie #2: Are you suggesting we smoke naked?
–Columbia University
Druggie #1: No. Technically, if you don't have anything on you, they can't arrest you.
Druggie #2: Are you suggesting we smoke naked?
–Columbia University
Barista: Weren't you showing me some German porn just a little earlier?
Patron: It was not porn! It was a music video! With…lots of naked German men in it.
Barista: And the difference is what, exactly?
–Starbucks Near Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Kosi
Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!
–Broad Channel Subway Station
Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!
–116th & 3rd
(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?
–28th & 5th
White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…
–LIRR
Overheard by: Xavier
Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?
—Hair, Delacorte Theater
Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.
–Subway, 14th & 1st
Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.
–89th & 4th, Brooklyn
Old drunk hobo to friends: Let me tell you guys a story. Back when I was breaking in to fucking cars this broad comes at me and takes me to this commune. Gotta be at least 50 hippies, everyone's fucking everyone, always blazed, I'm fucking everything that moves because I'm 18 and my dick is hard all the time, and all the women are walking around all fucking…
All friends together: Naked!
–4th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: rpk
30-something guy to another: She works for Sesame Street so she gets a lot of free underwear.
–Brooklyn Label, Greenpoint
Girl: Yeah, dude. She wasn't wearing any underwear so everyone was trying to pull down her skirt!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Mollie
Tourist mom in matching pink jumpsuit, struggling with too many children: Oh my Jesus, I wore the wrong thong today!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Emily
Puzzled hipster on cell: Wait…how did wearing a thong fuck up her eye?
–7th St & Ave A
Hipster girl on cell: Did you get your underwear? Lindsey! Goddamn it! "Eat" sounds nothing like "get!" Fuck! What? Fuck you, bitch! Taste of my own medicine, bullshit! I heard nothing about gnawing on my own underwear!
–Baskin-Robbins, Mulberry
Overheard by: Hana
Very blond mother pushing baby carriage, on cell: I don't care, we've talked about this! Don't fucking touch my underwear!
–20th St & 7th Ave
Guy: Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion.
–Uptown 2 Train
Middle aged man at the end of police show (exhausted from dancing around the suite all night): Wow, I can't believe I kept my pants on!
–MSG Skybox
Overheard by: Russ Beef
Man to friend: And like, man I wasn't gonna drink anything, but I smoked like one hundred blunts and was so high and I was like taking my pants off and shit.
–1 Train
Overheard by: batou187
Ghetto guy to ghetto friends: I remember the day I got my Reeboks like I remember the day that I peed my pants…when I was too old to pee my pants.
–A train
Overheard by: Hannah
Guy on phone: I think that may be slightly humiliating though, if the pants actually come off. And someone feels the chicken cutlets inserted in your underpants for some added power.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Joey
(after a performance of Hair)
Woman: What was your favorite part?
Four-year-old girl: I liked all the parts.
Six-year-old girl: I liked the naked part.
–Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Girl #1: I woke up naked from the waist down and was like, “Oh man, not again!”
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate when that happens.
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Amused
Girl #1: So both the girls took off their panties and spread their cheeks for the crowd. And you would not believe it, but the one girl started eating the other one’s ass!
Girl #2: Nothing says “goodnight” like a good ass licking.
–Vespa, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Steve
Guy #1: Y’know, I really just need to get it through her head that there’s nothing wrong with waking up naked in a Jewish synagogue.
Guy #2: Yeah… I feel that, man.
Guy #1: I mean, now that it’s happened more than once, she really needs to realize that it’s okay.
–NYU Gallatin Elevator
