Offers and requests

You’re Generating Static on My Love Radio

Black male with empty 2-wheeler: Man, I’m about to slap fire out my boss.
Friend, looking at Puerto Rican Chick sitting across from them: Heh…
Black male with empty 2-wheeler: Sixty-three fuckin’ dollaz man!?! Sixty-three fuckin’… Who the fuck pays sixty-three dollaz for a bag of ice?!
Friend, still looking at Puerto Rican Chick sitting across from them: Heh…
Black male with empty 2-wheeler: What the fuck? Must be glacial ice! Straight from the muffuckin glacier ‘n shit.
Friend, still looking at Puerto Rican Chick sitting across from them: Heh…
Black male with empty 2-wheeler: Maybe it was organic ice or some shit: I can’t believe this shit!
[Puerto Rican chic rolls her eyes.]
Friend, no longer looking at Puerto Rican Chick sitting across from them: You’re fuckin up my game again, son.

–F train

Seeing as How You Have Free Will and All

Goatee-sporting man: …AND GOD HUMBLED HIMSELF AND BECAME ONE OF US…AND HE GAVE US FREE WILL…
Middle aged white woman: Yeah… Ummm, can you take this somewhere else?

–E train

A Bloodshot Retinal Scan Will Suffice

Man: Do you have ID?
Teenagers: Huh?
Man: ’cause you gotta be high to be in here!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: the imbiber

The Grateful Ones Are Best

Ghetto man, sticking his head into the car and yelling to no one in particular: Are you single? [Nobody replies.] Are you single?!
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I’m single.
[he walks over to her.]
Ghetto girl: My husband left me. After five years he just left. Said “I love Frank.”
Ghetto man, announcing to the rest of the car: Did you hear that? This woman’s husband left her for another man! [to the woman]: What’s your phone number? [She gives out digits]

–F train

Overheard by: and she wonders why…

Especially Ryan Adams

Hipster #1: No water?!?!
Hipster #2: I can’t believe they’re denying us the most basic necessity … I hate everyone right now!

–McCarren Park Pool

When the Pretenders Ride the Train

Guy: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention for a second, please? [All the strap hangers look at him.] Thank you for your attention. [Gets off the train.]

–6 train

Overheard by: Luke

Their Ad Expenditures Exceed Their Revenue

Hobo with jar around his neck reading “TIPS” is approached by another hobo wearing a sign reading “CLASSIC BUM.” An American Apparel employee comes out and takes a Polariod.

“TIPS” hobo: This is a Bum War, lady. But you like what you see? Spare some change?

–Houston & Orchard

And Some Potpourri

Straight Jewish boy: Oh, man, with going now to see the Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford, plus I saw 3:10 to Yuma last week, I’m going to have seen two westerns in the past two weeks. I feel so manly.
Hipster girl: Don’t worry, we can go get you a throw pillow later.

–Outside the Angelika

He Could Also Bite Your Knee-caps Off, So Be Careful

Dwarf with walking disability: Could you go upstairs and get me a glass of water?
Man: Water? To drink?
Dwarf: Yeah, to drink. What do you think I’m gonna do with it, wash my hair?
Nearby woman: You could swim in it, I guess.

–Abington Theatre Lobby

Overheard by: Chris

If by “Fun” You Mean Lying on the Floor Drooling, Then Yes.

Guy #1: Dude, I’ve got nub.
Guy #2: I’ve got rocks.
Guy #1: Word.
Guy #2: Oh, let’s put them in the hookah and smoke all of them at the same time. I heard it’s a fun game.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Samantha

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