New York Post woman at Union Square station: Free pooooost!
Bag vendor, after minutes of repetition: Lady, our heads are going to explode!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag vendor: All vendors, help me let her know!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag vendor: Lady, I'll buy you lunch!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag vendor: I'll give you cash!
Woman: Free pooooost!
Bag vendor: Come work for me, “free totes!”
Woman: Free pooooost!
–Union Square Holiday Market
Man needing help: I need to get my passport renewed before I leave for a trip out of the country next week.
Lady at post office: We can expedite it, and you can have your new passport in two weeks.
Man needing help: But I'll be back from my trip to Mexico in less than two weeks.
Lady at post office: Well, we can expedite it and you'll get your passport back in two weeks.
–Post Office, Grand Central
Overheard by: Adam Lazarus
Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.
–53rd Street E Station
Overheard by: SJG
Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.
–Lorimer & Union
Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!
–2nd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: dazed and confused
Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.
–93rd & 2nd
Overheard by: brian w
Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.
–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo
Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!
–4 Train
Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo
Barely legal girl: Can we do brunch tomorrow?
Guy: Sure.
Barely legal girl: Good. I like having Saturday plans. I get sad on weekends if I don’t wake up in someone else’s bed or have plans.
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Bar Keep
Frat guy #1: So how do you think you did on your history exam?
Sorostitute: I don’t want to talk about it.
Frat guy #1: Oh come on, it can’t be that bad.
Frat guy #2: She thought World War II happened in the 1970s.
–NYU
Overheard by: Seriously.
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you!
–Plane, LaGuardia
Wasted guy: Hi.
Cute girl: Hi.
Wasted guy: What are you doing? You look hot bending over like that.
Girl: Um, well, I'm looking for my jacket.
Wasted guy: Huh! I have a better idea. (slight pause) Why don't you come home with me and sit on my face?
(long, long, shocked pause)
Girl: You know what… you find my jacket, and then we'll talk about it.
–Tin Lizzie, Upper East Side
Overheard by: tinajane
Girl #1: I told that dude with the afro we'd go with him to a party.
Girl #2: Does he know you're drunk?
Girl #1: I don't know. But he should, he's a hippie!
Girl #2: Maybe he'll give you a joint then.
Girl #1: So you wanna go to the party?
–Bathroom, Mercury Lounge
HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.
–E train
Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.
–Small diner, Chinatown
Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.
–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Gigi
Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.
–Rue 57, 57th & 6th
Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!
–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?
Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?
Bicycle taxi guy: Hey, you want a ride through Central Park?
Tourist: No thanks.
Bicycle taxi guy: How about a foot massage? How about some dance lessons?
–Central Park
