Call a Doctor, Wednesday One-liners!

Man: Yo, the other day I see the F arriving as I’m coming down the stairs so I run in, just making it in on time. I hold the door for this girl behind me but I slipped and her head got caught in the
closing door. She turned her head like The Exorcist and just looked at me for a second and then starting screaming. And then other people started screaming while I tried to open the doors again. The conductor finally opened up the doors and she stepped in…and stood right next to me…and stared at me until Roosevelt Island. I just got out there and waited for the next train.

–F train

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on February 8, 2006
Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Suits, White People

Wednesday One-liners Are Ready for Valentine’s

Yale guy on cell: Oh, you’ll like this. So, I hooked up with this girl this weekend, and got a handjob from her…But, the thing is, she had one hand…No, she had an arm, just no hand. And she gave me a handjob. With the other one…I started laughing when she started giving me a handjob, because, well…Yeah. The irony of the whole thing…Yeah, but she was real hot…Huge boobs…I think I’m gonna try and hook up with her again and see if she’ll rub my balls…Yeah, man, with the other one…The other…Yeah.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: rDave

Posted on February 8, 2006
Getting Off, Manhattan, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, People, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Suits, Teens, Trains Not Subway, White People

Wednesday One-liners Could Use a Scrubbing

Vendor guy: I got so much dirt under my nails, you’d think I was a crackhead.

–Fulton Mall

Overheard by: Black Girl Superstar

Posted on February 8, 2006
Manhattan, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Suits, Thugs, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers

Wednesday One-liners Could Use Some Color

Hipster guy: Two black guys fucking two white bitches on Martin Luther King day. That shit’s trippy. I bet that was what that whole “I have a dream” shit was really about. The right to fuck white bitches.

–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd

Posted on February 8, 2006
Astoria, Hipsters, Hobos, Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, People, Sex, Williamsburg

God Tells Wednesday One-liners to Kill People

Teen girl: …You know they didn’t have guns back then…But if they did, Jesus would have shot them niggas.

–Williamsburg

Posted on February 8, 2006
Hobos, Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, People, Religion, Staten Island, Teens, Williamsburg

Overheard in the Studio

Mark Riley: We only got two rubbers? What’s up?

The Overheard staff was on Air America Radio to tape an interview. A cell phone goes off. Our publisher checks his. Our editor checks his. The producer and the sound guy look at theirs.

Mark Riley: Maybe it’s mine. Oh shit, it’s my wife!

He picks up.

Mark Riley on cell: …We’re filming I Love Lucy. What’s the problem?

–Air America studios, 20th & 6th

Overheard by: Thanks for having us!

Posted on February 2, 2006
Celebrities Overheard, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Marriage, On Cell, People, Sex & Relationships

Wednesday One-liners Read 1 Corinthians

Queer on cell: So I saw this store that was going out of business…Yeah, so I got a faith and three hopes…Or was it two faiths and three hopes?…Ha, yeah, there wasn’t any love or anything. I bet I could sell a faith to Madonna for a hundred million dollars. Like, “Here you go, this is the most religious thing ever. More than you….bitch.”…Ha, ha, yeah. “It has holy waters from all over the world. The Pope came on it.”

–New School, West 13th Street

Overheard by: jimster