Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner

20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!

–M-15 Bus

Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.

–28th & 29th

Overheard by: A black person from Chicago

20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Overheard by: Annie B

Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: molls

Posted on December 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Desi, Fears, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Height, Idiots, Jobs & Careers, Latinos, Money & Class, Murder, On the Bus, One-liners, Only in New York, Queens, Queer guys, Race, Sex, Stupidity, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Clean Conscience, Stinky Foot

Woman: So what I realized is that doing the right thing is always right.
Man: Yeah, but think about it. When you go to sleep tonight your conscience will be clean.
Woman: Yeah, I have a clean conscience with a foot up my ass.

–M11 bus

Overheard by: Stevo

Posted on October 14, 2018
Ass, Body Parts, Friends, On the Bus, Philosophy

For Emily, Wherever This Quote May Find Her

Guy on cell talking loudly: Where the fuck are you, Emily? (pause) Are you shopping? Don't lie to me, Emily! I will come over there and fucking beat the dogshit out of you. (pause) I don't care if I go to jail, it will be worth it to slap your lying ass around. (pause) You don't buy me shit, Emily. Do you buy me my underwear? No! Do you buy me socks? No! I do. What about all those purses and shoes you have? Me!
Random Dominican teenage girl: Damn, Emily really don't buy him nothing.

–Lucky Star Bus

Overheard by: chinatown bus traveler

Posted on October 7, 2018
Bus, Clothing, Dominicans, Fighting and ass kicking, Guys, Insults, Lies, On Cell, On the Bus, Prison, Questions, Shoes, Shopping, Teens, Threats

Do You Want to Start Learning Things? Do You?!

Little boy, passing gym: Oooh, they’re doing exercises in an exercises store!
Little girl: Is that their job?
Mother: I told you to stop asking so many damn questions!

–B51 bus, Brooklyn

Posted on October 3, 2018
Assholes, Boys, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Questions

I Love Musical Chairs!

Teenager #1: Yo, we gotta do that thang again.
Teenager #2: What thing?
Teenager #1: Yo remember that time we was with Angie, me and you?
Teenager #2: Oh yeah son, that was crazy.
Teenager #1: Yeah, I felt your dick on my butt, son!

–B60 Bus

Posted on September 17, 2018
Ass, Boys, Default, Guys, On the Bus, Penis, Teens, Three is Company

And Wednesday Said, “Let There Be One-Liners.”

Guy on cell: Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Can you hear me? Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

–Bus

Overheard by: Is God trying to tell you something?

Intense man, grasping woman's shoulders: God wanted me to, and I was ready to.

–Near Riverside Church, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: I wish I knew more

Guy, in awed tones, hearing "Le nozze di Figaro" through open window: It's like the voice of God…

–The Bronx

Overheard by: ground floor music lover

Crazy man: There is only one God. There is only one real deal. I can't afford sex anymore.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: That took a turn

Posted on August 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, God, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Penn Station, Sex, Singing, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

And That’s How Your Belly Gets Big

Girl #1: What’s cunnilingus?
Girl #2: It’s like when a guy blows you.
Girl #1: It’s a gay blow job?

–B44 bus

Overheard by: Sergey

Posted on August 10, 2018
BJs, Eating Out, On the Bus, Stupidity

Wednesdsay Caniners

Middle-aged suit to another: You definitely don't want to be on the streets with three miniature Dachshunds on the loose.

–46th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: alexander

Guy at dinner with friends: No, slapping her ass isn't perverted, it's just inappropriate. Perverted would be jerking off onto my dog's face or some shit.

–23rd & 10th

Overheard by: Matt

White gay man to another: Every time I see a dog chained to a parking meter and the owner is like in the store, it makes me want to call the NAACP.

–M7 Bus

Overheard by: HarlemAllDay

Ghetto woman on cell: A Maltese dog. A Maltese! (pause) One of them little dogs that don't never grow.

–27th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katherine

Flamboyant gay man to couple pushing bulldog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your baby!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on June 25, 2018
Animals & Nature, Babies, Bitch-slap, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Bus

Thank You Very Much, I’ll Be Here until Thursday

Angry rider after missing a stop: Why can’t you just pull over? You was only like this far away?
Bus driver: I can only stop at designated stops, I’m sorry.
Angry rider: You could have stopped, you just wanted to be a dick.
Bus driver: Yeah, you would know — you suck enough of it.

–BX9 bus

Overheard by: Don’t know much about it

Posted on June 20, 2018
Anger Management, Assholes, BJs, Bus Drivers, Directions, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, On the Bus, Only in New York, Penis, Public Transportation

You Can Always Tell the Public Service Employees Who Have Kids

Well-dressed British lady: Driver, what's the next stop?
Bus driver: I'm not letting you off until you pay your fare. Don't ask me again.

–M31 Bus

Overheard by: Nora

Posted on May 3, 2018
Brits, Bus, Bus Drivers, Directions, Foreigners, Money & Class, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions

On the Bus