Wednesday One-Liners, the People's Chariot

Ghetto fab bus driver : Hello and good morning. Welcome to the Bolt Bus, my name is Jacques and I'm going to be your operator today. We do appreciate your business. Well, I appreciate your business. For my nails. Getting my hair done. Yeah.

–BoltBus

Overheard by: Julie and Mark The Snob

Bus driver (as bus leaves Lexington stop): The stop after this stop will be the next stop.
(as bus turns into Central Park) Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop will be Central Park West. Please have your passports ready.

–Crosstown Bus

Bus driver over intercom (as bus passes Unisphere): Oh, everyone's from New York? Then y'all already know this spot! I can't tell you nothing! Bye.

–Shuttle Bus, Flushing Meadows Park

Conductor: Good morning! This is the bus dispatcher. It's a sunny 78 degrees on a beautiful Wednesday! I'm happy to report the bus lanes inbound to New York are slicing through traffic like a hot knife through butter! Enjoy your day, control center, out.

–NJ Transit Bus

Overheard by: Jerzey…CloseEnough

Conductor: Alright folks, remember to keep cool today and drink plenty of water. I recommend ya'll eat some Honey Nut Cheerios. Honey Nut Cheerios will make ya'll nicer to each other. Stay away from that bacon and eggs. Too hot. Yes, Honey Nut Cheerios. Have a nice day.

–B61 Bus

Overheard by: should have eaten breakfast

Posted on June 27, 2019
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Ew, Jersey, Food, Hair, Happiness, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Queens, Tourism, Travel, Weather, Weirdness, Words

A Misunderstanding Regarding Whether Her Man Should Continue Breathing

Woman: This is the second time I been to New York, though, ’cause last time my girl was like, “Do you like the nightlife?” and I said, “Yeah,” and she was like, “Then you gotta get to the city, bitch,” and I got arrested for smoking a blunt on someone’s brownstone.
Man: That’s terrible.
Woman: Oh no, I mean, it was like the second time I got arrested, you know, so it was like no big deal.
Man: What happened the first time?
Girl: Oh, that was just a misunderstanding. I was like 14, and I was wit’ ma man, and we was having words–like, we was having a disagreement–and I stabbed him, is all. It was just a misunderstanding.

–Chinatown bus

Overheard by: Fung Wahhahahahaha

Posted on June 20, 2019
Crime and Punishment, Men, On the Bus, Stab, Weed, Women

I Didn't Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered

Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CS

Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!

–Santos Party House, Lafayette St

Overheard by: alisa

Posted on June 8, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Bus, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Cum, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Frat Boys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Tess

Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!

–45th & 9th

Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…

–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens

Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!

–R Train

Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll

Posted on April 29, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Crime and Punishment, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Global Geography, Guys, Holidays, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Subway conductors, U.S. Geography, War, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners’ Hometowns Were Glad to See Them Go

Brit lady, to MTA booth lady: Two adults, please. We’ll be getting off around 58th Street.

–14th St F station

Overheard by: Fidget

Tourist: Excuse me, does the F train stop here?

–Subway sandwiches, Houston & Lafayette

Tourist woman, loudly: Jeany? How many stops are we going on this train?

–Times Square shuttle

Overheard by: nevermind

Tourist: Excuse me, which way is it to Upper Town?

–Broadway & Worth

Overheard by: dukes

Tourist: Is this now the Grand Canyon of the East Coast?

–Ground Zero

Tourist: My plane doesn’t leave for 4 hours. Can I walk to the Statue of Liberty from here?

–La Guardia Airport

Overheard by: Jose Hernandez

Tourist, leading a group of more than a dozen fellow tourists: Okay, I… um…don’t know where we are now…Oh, wait! Yes I do! We’re at the South Street Seaport!

–Union Square

Blonde: Look, there’s the Chrysler. Look, there’s Times Square. Where’s the Empire State Building?

–Top of Empire State Building

Overheard by: englishman in new york

Tourist, to deck hand: I can’t see the Statue of Liberty. Would you please move the lifeboat out of the way while I take a picture?

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Steven Lowell

Posted on April 16, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Directions, Empire State Building, Foreigners, Ground Zero, LaGuardia Airport, NYC Geography, On the Bus, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Staten Island Ferry, Statue of Liberty, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

For the Next Three Seconds, Anyway.

Mother to noisy, restless son: You know what? As soon as we get home I’m calling your doctor. You’re going back on medication.
Kid, screaming: Nooo! [Spotting boarding passenger] Oh, he has a wrestling shirt! I want a wresting shirt!

–M101 bus

Overheard by: Glad it’s not my kid

Posted on February 8, 2019
Boys, Kids, Medicine, Moms, On the Bus, Threats, Wishes & desires

Nor Do the Dogs

Woman #1: It was so funny. I mean I was talking to the horse in English, and the horse didn’t understand a fucking word I said.
Woman #2: It was a Spanish horse.
Woman #1: Even their dogs, they didn’t understand English. I don’t get that.

–QM2 bus

Overheard by: i’m mr.ed

Posted on January 13, 2019
Animals & Nature, Language Barrier, Man's Best Friend, On the Bus, People, Stupidity

Most People Take a Limo There

Woman: Does this bus go to the Garden?
Bus driver: No, the M10 or 20 goes to Madison Square Garden.
Woman: Not that Garden; Olive Garden!

–M104 bus

Overheard by: Suzanne Cerquone

Girl #1: I heard there’s this restaurant that charges $500 for a plate.
Girl #2: Damn what they serving, human?

–Olive Garden, Times Square

Overheard by: Kyle

Posted on January 13, 2019
Bimbettes, Bus Drivers, Food, Friends, Money & Class, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner

20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!

–M-15 Bus

Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.

–28th & 29th

Overheard by: A black person from Chicago

20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Overheard by: Annie B

Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: molls

Posted on December 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Desi, Fears, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Height, Idiots, Jobs & Careers, Latinos, Money & Class, Murder, On the Bus, One-liners, Only in New York, Queens, Queer guys, Race, Sex, Stupidity, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

On the Bus