Teen #1, disappointed: Yo, she took me to the museum yesterday.
Teen #2: Whoa! This guy goes to museums! Which one?
Teen #1: Not the art one, the other one.
Teen #2: (puzzled silence)
Teen #1: There was like mad prehistoric animals and a big-ass whale and shit.
Teen #2: Oh…the zoo!
–6 Train
Aspiring actress: I hope I get the part! That director was so hot! I could totally sleep with him!
Friend: He’s your dad’s age.
Aspiring actress: No! He’s 41. My dad’s 43.
Friend: You’re 20.
Aspiring actress: Yeah. That’s sort of sick. I have to stop liking older guys. What can I say? I’m just looking for a more mature man! Hey, I got this new moisturizer that smells like cookies, and it’s sparkly! Smell my leg!
–2 train, between 42nd & 72nd
Poet, selling books: All of these books are signed, and when I go on Oprah, you can sell them on eBay!
Passenger: Let’s hear a poem then!
Poet: You wanna hear a poem? “Neighbor’s dog leaving feces on the sidewalk. Squish! Damn. Luck stinks.”
Old man, mumbling: Who wants to read that kind of bullshit?
–6 Train
Preppy tween #1: You know, I really should try to get my grades up.
Preppy tween #2: Why's that?
Preppy tween #1: Well, if I did better in school my parents probably wouldn't think I was going out and having sex and doing drugs all the time.
–1 Train
Bag lady: What’s the matter, you get your wisdom teeth out?
The guy nods.
Bag lady: That’s pretty miserable, huh?
He nods.
Bag lady: Yeah, I remember when I took mine out.
–6 train
Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.
–N Train
Overheard by: annearchist
Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?
–Hunter College
Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?
–JCPenny
Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Samantha
Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Nicole
Thug #1: Yo, what it mean when you call a woman “apple bottom”?
Thug #2 (half asleep): Cake.
Thug #1 to thugette: See woman, I told you it mean you got cake.
–1 Train
Overheard by: bianca's boyfriend
Hispanic woman: …and then I caught him going through my pocketbook and I was like, “You betta get out of there”, because he might find something that looks like a Skittle but it’s really a pill. He gonna grow up to be a thief or somethin’.
White woman: He looks like a murderer.
–R train
Overheard by: Beast Boy
Little girl #1: Guess what my mom told me that your mom told her the other day when we were playing? She had another baby before you and it died!
Little girl #2: No, my mom said that I’m the oldest.
Little girl #1: You are now ’cause the other one died. She died before she was even born!
Little girl #2: That’s impossible! You can’t die before you are born!
Little girl #1: Yes you can. You can die before you are born, while you are born, or after. You can die at any time and you don’t even have to do anything bad.
Little girl #2: I don’t want to play with you anymore.
–Manhattan bound F train
Headline by: Krista
Runners-Up:
· “At her house, Zoloft is served at snacktime” – Krisztina
· “Debbie Downer: The Early Years” – E
· “Did I say something wrong?” – PJ
· “Playtime With Wednesday Addams” – Gabbertoons
· “Sartre’s Daughter Had A Hard Time Making Friends” – xavier
· “She was later known as the girl who kicked pregnant women in the stomach “just to see what happened”” – Danielle
· “Sylvia Plath Never Did Get Along With The Other Kids” – Ariel
· “Was it something I said?” – Jared
· “Welcome to Ayn Rand Kindergarten” – Emily
· “When playdates go bad… next on Springer” – Jenn
Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Overheard by: J. Ann
Ghetto girl to thug: You can’t touch this. Keep reminiscin’, mothafucka.
–106th & Columbus
Overheard by: Shmoop
Guy on cell: I’ll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you.
–17th & 5th
Altruist: He’s really nice so I just fake it sometimes.
–Elevator, 120 Wall St
Overheard by: Aubrie
Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8.
–1 train
Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be.
–Washington & Charles
Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I’m just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok.
–Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
