What They Use That Money For (2 NYC Short Stories)

Hobo: Can anyone help me get something to eat? Please please someone, please, help me out with something to eat?
Woman: Would you like a slice of pizza?
Hobo: Not now, baby!

–1 train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Hobo: I need money to get food, and a haircut and an ID.
Guy: You’re gonna use it for drugs.
Hobo: No! I hate that. Why do people yell out “drugs”?
Woman: ’cause you look high.

The hobo leaves the car, experiences a moment of l’esprit d’escalier, and returns.

Hobo: Well, hello to you miss.

–D train

Posted on April 11, 2015
Drugs, Hobos, On the Subway, Only in New York, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

What the Banner in the Airport Should Say

(girl runs into a woman crossing the street)
Woman (turning to confront girl): Are you kidding me?!
Girl: Are you kidding me?
Woman: Can’t you see?!
Girl: Watch where you’re going!
Woman: Are you kidding me!?
Girl: Oh god! This is New York, get over it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Posted on March 25, 2015
Bryant Park, Default, Girls, Only in New York, Questions, Women

The NYC Cast of Characters in: Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, all cars on this train are going to final destination: Parkchester. All cars will be making all stops.

–6 train

Newspaper vendor: Yo! Suits! Go get me that deal…or else! I mean right now, go get it done!

–41st & 6th

Overheard by: M. Hutchinson

Tourist on cell: Of course I know where we are. We’re near Broadway Street. No, no, wait. Broadway Avenue.

–57th & Broadway

Overheard by: Karyn Regal

Petitioner: Please help us save the filibuster!

–West 66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Subway salesman: …and thank you for helping me keep a roof over my head. I mean three roofs: I live in the basement.

–Q train

Metro New York guy: Free paper! Get your free paper!…Man, I’m sick of this shit.

–Union Square

Metro New York guy: Shit, man, I’m tired of sayin’ this!…Okay, fine. Good mornin’. Good mornin’. Shit.

–Park Place station

Posted on March 23, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Only in New York, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

…Well? Where's My Applause?

Rushed New Yorker shoving through tour group: Excuse me, excuse me…
Tour guide: Don't worry, folks, most New Yorkers aren't this rude.
Rushed New Yorker: Screw you! Yes we are, that's what everybody loves about us.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: I agree

Posted on March 9, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Bryant Park, Insults, Love, Only in New York, Tourists

Like That Awesome Hobo Who Urinated on Us Earlier!

Tourist: I read about this place in that New York book I got from the library.
Guy in line: Did it also tell you that when it's a full moon everything is half off?
Tourist to friend: Dude! We should just both get the large, then.
Friend: I love this town and its little quirks like this.

–Gray's Papaya

Posted on March 8, 2015
Books & Writing, Friends, Guys, Love, Only in New York, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Tourism, Tourists

NewsFlash: New Yorker “Tries to Be a Kinda Nice to People.”

Nerdy guy #1 to barista: Thanks.
Nerdy guy #2, sincerely: Wow, that was nice.
Nerdy guy #1: Well, every now and then I try to be kinda of nice to people, ya know?
Nerdy guy #2: I hear that, heat on 'em and then beat on 'em.
Nerdy guy #1: Mmm-hmm.

–Starbucks

Posted on March 7, 2015
Anger Management, Baristas, Nerds, Only in New York, Starbucks

Like “Aloha,” It Can Mean Hi, Goodbye, or I Love You

Female tourist: Look–he just gave the other driver the finger!
Male tourist: Isn't that just like saying “hi” in New York?

–72nd St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Gazoo

Posted on March 6, 2015
Cars and Driving, Insults, Language Barrier, Only in New York, Questions, Tourism, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

In a New York State of Mind

Woman #1: Don’t you hate taking the train so early in the morning? I take it every day.
Woman #2: Could you not talk to me?

–A train

Overheard by: aida

Posted on February 24, 2015
Anger Management, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Only in New York, Pop Culture, Trains Not Subway, Travel

Wednesday One-liners Eat Churro

Woman on cell: Yeah, I have to go. I’m too distracted on the phone, and I don’t trust anyone in this terminal. People are speaking Spanish behind me, if you know what I mean.

–LaGuardia

Posted on February 15, 2015
At the Airport, Brooklyn, Fashion, Language Barrier, Manhattan, Mexicans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Retail Therapy, Stupidity, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Tourists, White People

Like, What Are His Political Leanings?

Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!

–Broadway at City Hall

Overheard by: Darrin

Posted on February 12, 2015
Insults, Kids, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Strangers, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Only in New York