Mom #1, noting a pigeon: Cute bird!
Boy: Hm. Birds.
Mom #2: We, for instance, eat birds. What kind of birds do we eat?
Boy: Quail!
–5th Ave, Park Slope
Mom #1, noting a pigeon: Cute bird!
Boy: Hm. Birds.
Mom #2: We, for instance, eat birds. What kind of birds do we eat?
Boy: Quail!
–5th Ave, Park Slope
Early-20’s girl #1: Well, how’s the sex?
Early-20’s girl #2: [Mumbling.]Early-20’s girl #1: Hmmm, but oral sex? Is he good at that? I hear guys are very bad at giving oral sex.
–Häagen-Dazs, Park Slope
Teen girl #1: Let’s run! [Starts to gallop with friend.] Look, I’m a horsie!
Teen girl #2: Moo!
Teen boy: Hahaha!
–9th & 7th, Park Slope
Overheard by: thankfully sober
Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number.
–Supreme Court Building
Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that!
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: McF
Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back.
–Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner!
–F Train
Overheard by: Staying on the F
Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those.
–School, Lower Manhattan
Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello?
–Columbus Circle
Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick!
–LaGuardia & W 4th
Overheard by: Not drunk
College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Kate V.
Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick.
–South Park Slope
Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You.
–Central Park Entrance
Overheard by: HAIR-y
Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second.
–Century 21 Store
Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point.
–Penn Station
Guy by himself, taking can out of plastic bag: Fucking baked beans!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Marianna
Man: But I’m just not attracted to you. You’re like a sister to me.
Woman: But I’m not your sister. And besides, you know, me and my sister fooled around when we were little.
Man: Hmmm, let’s see. After this we could go get a drink, or I could go home and think about how much I’m not attracted to you…
Woman: I mean think about it…Hypothetical incest. Predetermined lust, undeformed children.
–Al di La, Park Slope
Guy: Ooh, actuarial, eh? That’s like birds, right?
–Silver Center, Washington Square East
Overheard by: Chirag Shah
HS girl #1: I have a question. No. She gotta question, but she makin’ me ask you for her because she embarrassed. What’s “drag school”? Thas where you go to learn howda be a drag queen?
Teacher guy: What? Drag school?
HS girl #2: Yeah, you said you was leavin’ us because you gotta go to drag school.
Teacher guy: Grad school. I am leaving you because I am going to grad school.
–Prospect Park BBQ
Overheard by: Lydia
Matt Dillon: This theatre has awful feng shui.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas
