Bi-curious guy to gaggle of girls: He wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror and says, “I hope I don't have herpes.”
Girl #1: Has he gotten tested?
Bi-curious guy: No, he's too afraid.
Girl #2: I would be too if I'd been around that much dirty snatch.
Girl #1: Wouldn't you be able to tell if you had herpes?
–Sheepshead Bay
Guy#1: I don't even know why I like this girl. She has no tits, she's fat, and she has a mustache.
Guy#2: Are you in love with Mr Belvedere?
Guy#3: Can't be. Mr Belvedere has tits.
–2nd Ave & 6th
Overheard by: John
Comedy club hawker: Hey, man, you like comedy?
Tourist: No.
Comedy club hawker: Yeah, me neither. I’m a lying bastard, too, so I guess we got two things in common.
–Times Square
Overheard by: heidolicious
Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pasty
Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.
–Roc Restaurant
Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!
–St. Andrews Bar
Overheard by: allimax
Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!
–Near Manhattan Mall
Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.
–Hanover & Water
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.
–4 Train
Overheard by: jessie
Kid, in stroller: What's that?
Mom: A plumber truck.
Kid: A plumber truck?
Mom: Uh-huh.
Kid: I wanna be a plumber truck!
–7th & Atlantic, Brooklyn
Overheard by: concerned for the future
Guy on office phone: Is that because of your placenta?
Guy next to him, singing: Is that because of your placentaaa?
–25th & Madison
Overheard by: Shan Agra
Chick #1: So, do you have any plans for Saturday?
Chick #2: Yeah, I think I’m gonna go get my vag waxed.
–21st St & 3rd Ave
65-year-old lady, in bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts, with belly hanging over: Of course I am bisexual…can't you see the view?"
–49th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: NATE MATHIS
Girl to guy: You can't be bisexual and married, John. That's, like, illegal!
–50th b/w 8th & 9th
Australian chic at bar: It's weird though, he reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend.
–Mexican Restaruant, Lower East Side
Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.
–Hillside & Edgerton
Drunk lesbian: Why can't you be a girl or at least have a really big dick?
–Bowery Ballroom
Little boy pointing at painting: Mama, why are there so many colors?
Mother: Shit, ain’t you color-bind or somethin’?
–MoMA
Girl #1: Are you sure he’s gay?
Girl #2: Um, yeah!
Girl #1: Nooo, he can’t be! How do you know?
Boy: Because he likes dick in his ass.
In unison: Oooh…
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
